


The Beast

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Anal Sex, Animal Death, Blood and Injury, Exes, Hunters & Hunting, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:46:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 26,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22571950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: Former Lord Thor is invited back from banishment to help hunt a dreadful monster threatening King Loki's people.This might be easier if his relationship with his majesty were less... complex.
Relationships: Loki/Thor
Comments: 466
Kudos: 360





	1. A Summons

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by real historical events (which I then completely ignored in favour of drama)

Thor was drinking when they arrived. He was often drinking in those days, not too much but probably a little too often. It was a miracle they managed to find him in the hovel calling itself a tavern. The tankards had definitely seen better days and looking too closely at the floor was definitely not recommended.

"Thor of Asgard?"

He looked up at the uniform, absorbing the concept slowly. Official. Fancy. A face that had seen soap more often than most.

"Who's asking?" he rumbled.

"His majesty, King Loki. He wishes you to return to his court."

The laugh was out before he knew it.

"Uh-huh? And what would his majesty want with me all of a sudden? I thought he'd made his opinions on me eminently clear. His exact words, as I recall, were 'banished, never to return.'"

They paused for a moment. Maybe this hadn't been expected. Maybe they thought this would be the answer to his prayers and he'd go skipping back.

"There is a beast."

"Not my problem."

"It has killed at least twelve people."

"Not my problem."

The pair exchanged a look, uncertain.

"His majesty has authorised us to use force if necessary."

Hmm. Alright, maybe that was his problem...

He deliberately finished his ale before standing up, shrugging his coat on.

"If he wants me to hunt something, I'll require weapons. I have some of my own, but..."

"All necessary equipment will be provided."

"Well, since I'm beginning to think I don't have a choice in the matter, I suppose we'd better go."

The carriage was a great deal fancier than he was accustomed to these days. The bench was actually soft for one thing, enough that he lay across it to have a nap.

God only knew how they'd found him. He wasn't exactly open about who he was. Maybe Loki had had him trailed all these years.

As if. More trouble than it was worth.

And this... beast. He'd heard rumours of something in the south, some kind of creature, but he'd put it down to exaggeration and folk stories. Tales to convince children not to go wandering off. And then someone ends up on the wrong side of a bear or something and suddenly there's some kind of monster on the loose.

He slept, just keen to keep his mind from wandering back to the last time he'd seen Loki. It had been... unpleasant.

Waking up several hours later, he was quite aware that he was rather unpleasant at present. When had he last had a proper bath? When had he last changed his clothes, for that matter? They'd come to him at a bad time, between jobs as it were.

On the one hand, he rather wanted to appear as he was. Let Loki see just how far he'd fallen and exactly whose fault it was.

But then again, he wanted to look his best. Because he was fine without him. He was. Absolutely fine. Most of the time anyway.

He wasn't getting much of a choice in this either. A steaming tin bath had already been prepared, lavender blossoms strewn across it. And...

And a uniform, complete with Loki's crest. Like a brand almost.

"I am not wearing that," Thor said mildly, beginning to peel off his layers.

"His majesty is very insistent."

"His majesty can fuck off. Just a plain tunic will be fine. I haven't decided if I'm working for him just yet. Or I'll see him naked. I don't mind."

They brought him a clean tunic. Dark grey. Good. Plain and practical.

Thor wasn't entirely sure what he was expecting to happen next, but being shown into a morgue in a cellar wasn't it.

There were eight bodies under sheets. Various sizes. A lot of them were small, though. Children. As he'd expected. Most animal killings were.

He was just approaching the tallest figure when the door opened behind him, guards trooping in and behind them...

Thor didn't bow to him. He rather felt he'd earned that. But he did look at him. Loki didn't look particularly well. Pale, bags under his eyes, the circular crown seeming almost like it mocked him by shining in the dim light.

"They found you, then," he said.

"They did. And it seems you have some kind of problem."

He watched as Loki hesitated and then gestured to the guards to leave them alone. The door closed heavily, a certain finality to the sound.

"I wouldn't be seeking you out if I wasn't desperate, Thor."

"No, so I assumed. Do you know what it is?"

Loki sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"We have a survivor in the infirmary. I'll take you to her tomorrow. She described some kind of large dog, wolf maybe. Huge. Much bigger than any she'd seen before."

Hmm. Maybe.

"Who are the victims?" Thor asked. "Children, elderly?"

"Mainly. But I really started getting worried after this."

He folded back the sheet over the tallest figure, revealing a guard, one of his men, his neck turned to barely more than a scrap of bloody meat, huge scratches upon his face. Thor grimaced, turning away.

"Wolves don't generally attack grown adults unless they're starving," he said.

"Which means it's likely not a wolf. Or not a normal one anyway."

"Perhaps. What do you want me to do?"

Loki looked at him with an air of surprise.

"You're the best hunter I ever knew," he said.

"I'm fair, not the best."

"But I trust you. Despite everything. And I want you to kill it."


	2. First Thoughts

Trust? Huh.

Yeah, Thor remembered trust. He remembered when he and Loki were as close as it was possible for two people to be.

And then he remembered when Loki took the throne and maybe it was stress or maybe it was the power but somehow everything went a bit... wrong.

Loki got paranoid. It was all where have you been? Who with? Why? God only knew what he thought was going on. An affair maybe. Nothing like that had ever so much as crossed Thor's mind. He'd only ever wanted Loki.

And then he'd suggested that maybe they ought to spend a little time apart, just to reassess things since so much was changing and sort everything out and then...

Then he'd ended up banished. There was probably a better reason for it than he could remember through all the shouting and the fury, the rumours that followed him as he packed a bag and left that he must have done _something_ , something unforgivable, the suspicions that he might even have had something to do with the king's tragic demise.

That had hurt. That had hurt a lot. They'd had their differences, but Thor had loved Laufey almost as a father. He'd been very kind to him, taken him in as an orphan, raised him alongside his own son. Hearing his name connected to such dreadful lies... It was almost more than Thor could bear.

And so he'd gone far away, up to the north, denying everything about himself, scratching out a living away from the comforts of the palace. And somehow five years had slipped by.

And now here he was, back again in a place he'd thought he'd never see again.

"You'll have your old rooms, of course," Loki said, leading him through the palace.

"I'd have thought someone else might sleep in them now."

"No. Tomorrow, I'll present you to court. Your glorious return. And then we can begin."

Thor looked sideways at him, a little confused.

"We?"

"Of course. I must lead from the front on this."

"You think it's that serious?"

"Twelve people are dead and those are just the ones we know about. There may be others. Have you eaten?"

His ale seemed a long time ago now. And he hadn't even got round to lunch, come to think of it.

"No, I haven't."

"Then I will have something suitable sent up."

Dismissed. Honestly though, it was something of a relief. The tension in the air, the sense of things left unsaid was too much.

Could rooms be ghosts and haunt people? That was the distinct sensation Thor got when he entered his old chambers. Like he was seeing something dead, something from a dream.

He often dreamt of these rooms. It seemed to be where his subconscious was most comfortable.

Nothing had changed. Nothing had been moved around. It was just empty save for the furniture, like a skeleton, the wooden posts of the bed particularly rib-like.

Scrupulously clean, though. Thor wondered if it had been done specifically for his return or if the servants had simply kept up their routine even though he wasn't present.

He pulled out a chair from his table - was it even his table now? It used to be his, but now he wasn't so sure - and waited. And thought about wolves.

They certainly could be dangerous, especially if they were hungry. Had there been a famine here? He'd expect them to attack livestock more readily than humans; sheep, goats, chickens, cows even. He'd have to look into that, see what the reports were.

Hmm. And hydrophobia was potentially a risk. It could even be a domestic dog gone rabid if that was the case, or more likely several. It could be a plague.

Right. Quarantine all hounds in the area. That would be a first step. Survivors of attacks ought to be watched carefully in case of symptoms.

He'd seen it only once in his travels, fortunately. A young man had been bitten by his usually faithful retriever. The dog died, refusing to drink, snapping at everything in sight until finally lying down, so still and quiet, whimpering in pain. They shot it, put it out of its misery. About a month later, having begun to show symptoms, the young man left the village and was never heard of again. Thor had his suspicions of what he had done rather than go through that agony.

No one survived rabies. No one. And it was an awful way to die.

If that was what it was and there were so many victims... Then this whole region was in serious trouble.

Food was brought to him as promised, incredible luxury that he'd almost forgotten, actual spices and salt and pepper, vegetables that weren't burned to a crisp.

The woman who brought it smiled at him, all warmth and almost motherly towards him even though he doubted she was old enough.

"It's wonderful to have you back, my lord," she said, picking up his dishes. "It hasn't been the same around here since you left."

"Please, no titles," Thor said. "I no longer have them."

"Oh, I'm sure his majesty will restore them to you, sir."

He was still slightly amazed that Loki was speaking to him, let alone anything else. They were strangers now. And he had the awful feeling that maybe they wouldn't ever be able to be friends or... anything else ever again.

And maybe that was almost as bad as the risk of a terrible disease.


	3. Beginnings

He was woken by a guard, summoning him to Loki's private office. There would be little time for settling back in, it seemed. He was being reintroduced at breakfast. But maybe that was a good thing. Get it over and done with.

"What are you going to say?" Thor asked. "How are you going to explain me being back?"

"You're valiantly bringing your hunting skills to help deal with the beast stalking our land."

"But you banished me. Isn't that... you know, permanent usually?"

"I am king, in case you've forgotten. I can unbanish you. It's fine. They all love you anyway."

There was a hint of bitterness in his tone, fractious, over-tired and brittle. A long time ago, Thor was the one to soothe that kind of thing out of him just by being there.

Probably wouldn't be welcome now.

"Whatever you think best, your majesty."

Loki sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Don't call me that. It sounds sarcastic coming from you."

It wasn't intentional, but Thor didn't feel that clarification would be appreciated.

"When can I see the survivor?" he asked instead.

"As soon as you're officially here."

It was strange seeing Loki put on the mask. The smile, the carefree attitude. It was difficult to spot that it wasn't real, but to the practised eye, it was obvious. There was a tension, an air of performance that was different to his usual manner.

Thor followed through towards the great hall, already hearing the murmur of the court, the guards and the fine lords and ladies all awaiting their king's arrival.

Loki swept in, arms wide, silence falling immediately.

"My friends," he said, with that voice pitched perfectly to be audible to all but not too loud - not like the way Laufey used to bark his announcements. "It gives me great pleasure to welcome back my late father's ward Lord Thor, who returns with all forgiveness from our royal personage to help track and kill the beast that has recently been stalking our land."

The florid talk was a bit much, Thor thought, but he smiled and waved anyway, taking the applause as humbly as he could manage, sitting down quickly.

"Told you," Loki said. "They love you."

"But they're loyal to you. You're their king."

"Mm. It's just I'm beginning to worry that maybe some of them might prefer it if I weren't, that's all. And having a rampaging creature on the loose is not helping my popularity."

How strange to be back in the role of listener so soon. Thor almost didn't trust this, but on the other hand, he had no reason not to offer an ear.

"Is there anything in that?" he asked. "Any rumours?"

"There was an attempted rebellion two years ago."

Thor's spoonful of porridge froze halfway to his face.

"I didn't know about that," he said. "You must have kept it quiet."

"Generally, I felt it would be a bad plan to make any unrest common knowledge. But I know you weren't part of it. That's part of why I'm bringing you back."

To him, this was undoubtedly logical, but Thor was a little confused. Surely he hadn't really thought that he'd be part of a coup? Why would he do that to someone he cared about so much, regardless of how it ended? Why would he want bloodshed?

Besides, ruling seemed mainly very boring. It was all meetings and reports and decisions and no one was ever happy.

They went to the infirmary and Thor was rather glad he had already eaten. Some of these injuries were very bad. It was a miracle she had survived.

The young woman was nursing an infant, her leg wrapped in bandages but scars elsewhere on her body, on her face even. She seemed vaguely shocked that they had come to see her.

"I already told the guards all about it, your majesty," she said, her baby slumbering in her arms, unconcerned. "It was a large dog. I fought it off with a broom and it ran away into the woods."

"I'd still like to hear things first hand," Thor said. "How large? Roughly?"

"Its head came up to above my waist. And it was very broad and dark."

"How exactly did you fight it?"

"I..." and she seemed a little overwhelmed, her hold on her child tightening. "I was so frightened that it would harm my children that I placed myself between it and the door and I used my broom as a staff to hit it in the face. And it howled and lunged for me, knocked me down, scratched me, bit my leg. But after another hit, even as weak as I was, it ran off and I was able to send my older two to get help."

Hmm... Well, a rabid animal would not usually give up even in the face of attack. They were insensible to pain. But perhaps the infection was at an early stage.

"Have you felt any sickness?" Thor asked. "Fever, confusion?"

She shook her head. It often took a long time for the disease to show itself though. Months. A horrible, hidden death sentence.

"Please report it if you do. Just as a precaution."

She nodded, apparently just keen for them to leave her in peace. It was probably stressful, getting attention from the king, especially while trying to recover from such a dreadful event.

"So what do you suggest?" Loki asked as they left.

"It sounds... strange. It may not be hydrophobia, but just in case, I would have all dogs kept inside or on a tight leash to limit the spread. Though if it is in the indigenous wolf population then..."

"Cull?"

Thor sighed.

"I'm loathe to. It will unbalance the land. And I need to see a priest. Or a nun. Someone from the church."

A baffled frown.

"Have you become devout in your time away?"

"Not particularly. But we need their assistance all the same."

He didn't really believe in it, but on the other hand if this was as terrible as it seemed, maybe they needed all the help they could get.


	4. Protection and Planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for what I'm sure is totally inaccurate Catholic blessing - however St Hubert and his key is an actual thing I learned about while researching for this.

St Hubert. Patron of hunters, among other things. Thor had heard of him for the first time in the north, where his followers seemed to be more concentrated. It was his homeland, or so they said.

Thor felt a degree of kinship with him. Following personal tragedy, he had retreated from court life and given himself over to hunting, living out in the forest among nature. There, he received a holy vision, a deer blessed by God, who taught him to be merciful in his hunting, never to kill unless it was clean, never to take a hart with young and so on.

He didn't like the idea of decimating the wolf population, but if the alternative was allowing the spread of such a devastating disease, one that would make them die in agony, then maybe it would be the greater kindness.

And then, of course, there was the key.

Loki lead him along familiar corridors, towards the royal chapel. Once upon a time, they had been giggling youths, feeling Laufey's glare upon them, trying desperately to force mirth away and at least pretend to concentrate on the lesson.

The priest had seemed old then and was ancient now, moving with small, precise steps.

"Your majesty," he said, bowing slightly, his balding head almost like a monk's tonsure. "And welcome back, my lord. How can I assist you?"

"I require St Hubert's key," Thor said. "I have one of my own, but I would prefer if there were more. And I'd like to have mine rededicated, if I may."

A frown like paper being scrunched up, lines blending and bending around his forehead.

"Sacred objects cannot simply be made in large quantities," he said testily. "Though I would be happy to bless your existing sacrament."

He wore it on a string around his neck. An iron nail, blessed for him by a bishop. It didn't really do anything, but he felt comforted by its presence all the same.

"Forgive me, Father," Loki said. "But I fear I am unfamiliar with this particular rite."

The priest laid the nail on the altar, raising one hand and crossing himself with the other.

"If a rabid dog should bite, the key of St Hubert should be heated to burning point and used to cauterize the wound. He conveys protection from the sickness."

It worked, apparently. Thor figured the burning helped seal the injury in some way, but having any divine protection going definitely couldn't hurt.

"In your sermons, could you try to stem the panic? Encourage prayers and faith. His majesty is working to solve the problem."

"Of course, my lord. And I will write to my brothers to spread the word."

Thor thanked him, tucking his holy nail back under his clothes, keen to see where the attacks had happened, look for a place to start. If anything, Loki seemed a little amused on their way to his office.

"I wouldn't have thought you were one for talismans," he said quietly.

"I'm not, usually. But if it's what I fear, then..."

"I don't believe it's rabies. It's been going on too long. The creature would have died by now."

"Unless it's infected others and there is more than one beast. We only have one eye-witness after all."

"Others claim to have seen it."

"Only one certain witness."

Loki rolled his eyes in a way that was so familiar that it made Thor's heart ache for lost times.

"Maybe you're right," he said. "But still, precautions ought to be taken until we're sure."

Loki nodded, producing a map from among his papers, neat little crosses drawn upon it. His own work, no doubt.

There didn't seem to be much of a pattern to it. All fairly close to the palace. Less than a day's journey - which was probably how the guard had come to be killed. If it was one solitary animal, its territory was perhaps a little larger than average, but not much.

"What order did they happen in?"

Loki had that too, dates and places, nice and neat. But it seemed... random. It wasn't something moving across the map in one direction but dotting about, travelling miles between strikes. Like it was confused.

"I have absolutely no idea where to start," Thor said after a while staring at it.

"Maybe we could start in the east, head west?" Loki said. "Find out if there's any leads?"

It sounded no worse than anything he'd think of.

"Can I borrow a horse?" Thor asked. "I might ride out after lunch, get the lay of the land for myself."

"I'll have one saddled for you."

In truth, Thor was looking for a little time alone. He hadn't been prepared for any of this. Seeing Loki, as the adult he was now and not as the young man he remembered, planning together as they always had, how easy it was to fall back into that habit.

The countryside was almost exactly as he remembered it, if with slightly larger villages. There were hints of prosperity. Loki was managing well, it seemed. The lingering effects of the civil war that had brought Laufey to the throne seemed almost gone.

He saw no evidence of any dangerous creature. Animals grazed in their fields, unconcerned. They were not disturbed by his presence, even as people eyed him a little nervously. He was more or less a stranger here, after all.

No one he asked had seen a beast, but they all seemed to know someone who knew someone who had. Typical rumours. Thor rode back, somewhat despondently, only to find the palace in complete disarray on his return.

"What's happened?" he asked the stable boy, handing over his reins.

"The beast!" he quavered. "The beast has killed again."


	5. Victim

Loki seemed resigned, the body laid on the floor of his private parlour. It was a woman, and no shepherd girl. That dress, those jewels... This was a lady, a noble.

"Who is she?" Thor asked.

"Lady Gementi," Loki said. "I know of her rather than knowing her as such. Influential in court. Apparently she was taking a turn around the palace garden with her maid when the beast attacked."

"The palace garden?" Thor asked. "You mean it's here? Why aren't we hunting it?"

"You think I didn't try?" Loki spat. "My men chased it into the forest. Lost it among the trees. And you, my great huntsman, who I've been promising will help defeat the scourge, were not here!"

Damn. Damn, damn.

"Did you see it though?" Thor said. "What did it look like?"

"Only from a distance. It was an enormous wolf. Ruddy coloured. Not like any other I have seen before."

Thor trusted his judgement. Some kind of dog or wolf, perhaps a hybrid of the two. And it was here, literally in their garden.

"Do your guards have guns?" he asked.

"Not usually or they might have shot it. They're expensive and normally only a pike is necessary. But I have already organised additional armed patrols."

Thor nodded, unable to tear his eyes from the woman's corpse, the way her neck had been ripped out. It was the kind of thing a wolf might do to its prey to kill it, but to get high enough... Well, it must have quite a leap on it. Or it had knocked her down. There were marks on her arms, scratches. She'd tried to defend herself.

"This maid," he said. "She must have seen it up close. Where is she?"

"Poor thing's delirious with shock. She's being looked after, but I doubt we'll get much sense out of her tonight."

"Alright, then I'd like to see the scene, if I may."

It was being guarded, of course, keeping the curious away. The gravel path crunched beneath Thor's feet, the sandy shade of it showing the blood vividly.

And there was a lot of blood. More than anyone could lose.

The grass nearby had been torn up, scrapes that were several inches long. You could see where there had been a struggle. Lady Gementi must have put up quite a fight, much good it did her. Then again, Thor liked to think that he would go down fighting if it ever came to that.

"Well?" Loki asked as he crouched next to it, trying to estimate how big its paws must be.

"No one should be outside without weapons."

"Yes, Thor, anything actually helpful that I couldn't come up with myself?"

He was just stressed and lashing out, Thor told himself, standing up, though he still felt he could be a little annoyed.

"Why am I here, Loki?" he asked. "I doubt I'm providing any great insights."

Was that a faint blush on his cheeks?

"You're here because I want you to be here," he said.

And that was just it, wasn't it? Loki was used to everyone obeying him without question and you couldn't have the kind of relationship they'd had like that. You couldn't.

"Aw, you missed me?" Thor said bitterly. "Well, whose fault is that?"

He wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't Loki leading him off down to the far end of his perfectly maintained gardens away from everyone else. Wanting to speak more privately.

"You think it was easy, always having a perfect comparison right next to me? Always knowing that my father wished our positions were reversed, that you were his son and heir and I the foundling ward?"

"And I was always aware that I might be thrown out at a moment's notice. I had to be the best I could to maintain my position. Your father's attitude towards you was not my doing. And besides, he was dead when you got rid of me. Was that all you were waiting for?"

"That's not how it was!"

"Was that why you seduced me, Loki? In the hopes that we'd be discovered and I'd be imprisoned or sent off to the colonies for daring to lay a finger on you?"

These had been the kinds of questions that had haunted him down the years. Fear that everything had been a lie, that Loki had hoped to be caught and to have Laufey think he was being... corrupted.

Loki looked at him with such pain, such hurt, that he regretted voicing it immediately.

"Seduce you?" he said, voice almost cracking. "Is that really what you'd call it? I was obsessed with you and you knew it. And you didn't exactly say no."

No. No, he hadn't.

"How could I have?" he murmured. "You were irresistible."

Loki scoffed.

"Not to everyone," he said.

He sighed into the awkward silence, wiping at his eyes.

"Anyway. Ancient history now."

It was, and yet Thor felt as though all the depths of his memories of that time were being dredged up. And he was a little afraid of what might be unearthed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just struggling with all of this. I don't have any idea where to start."

"Well," Loki sniffed. "I suppose that makes two of us."


	6. Old Memories

Dinner was more play-acting, sitting by Loki's side like that wasn't the most exquisite torture, looking very grim as they announced the new safety rules and held a moment's quiet remembrance for Lady Gementi.

There were a few people looking almost uneasy, but then again a monster that killed anonymous strangers in the countryside was very different to having such danger so close by.

Thor wasn't saying much. He didn't have much to say. Not here, not with so many people around.

His mind was elsewhere, back in the past. Years ago, when they were only taking their first steps out of adolescence and into manhood, an ordinary evening interrupted by a knock at his door, Loki arriving in the night, saying something about... About marriage.

It had seemed so strange. Something about being suddenly worried about his future wife. About being unable to satisfy her in... personal ways.

_"I don't even know how to kiss," he'd said. "I wish I could practise..."_

Had Thor realised what he was after? Maybe.

He remembered glancing at his lips and thinking how soft they looked despite how thin they were. And he'd been tempted...

The right thing to do would have been to reassure him. But no. Thor had cleared his throat and looked away and then he'd said that maybe they... could practise. Together. After all, it hardly counted with a friend, right?

And Loki had let out a sigh of relief and sat down next to him, eager and excited.

His eyes were drawn to Loki as he was now as he thought of that first kiss. Would he be like that still? Surely not. Gone were those uncertain, clumsy days.

It had started chastely enough, a little peck on the lips, Thor's heart hammering in his ears, feeling the thrill of the forbidden. And Loki had said something, very soft, his breath tickling Thor's beginnings of a beard.

_"I think people do it with... With open mouths. Could we?"_

It wasn't the best kiss of their relationship. Everything was messy, uncoordinated, but perfect in its way. And from then, Loki would arrive often to "practise", taking Thor's face in his hands, striving forward always.

Would he still let out those little sighs? Would he still be so fervent?

And then one night he had poured himself into Thor's lap, the memory of it so fresh, the warmth of him, Thor's discomfort because there was no way he couldn't feel his arousal...

It had started soon after the kissing, a terrible secret, stroking his cock every night to thoughts of Loki, imagining the things he wanted to do but would never dare to ask for. Loki was the prince after all, and he nothing but a foundling, he shouldn't even dare to think such things...

And then Loki had swung his leg over him, grinding down, gazing at him in wonder, like he couldn't believe what he was feeling and Thor had been about to stammer out his apologies for his body's betrayal when...

_"Can I see it?"_

_"What?"_

_"Can I see your cock, Thor? I want to see it."_

Was he still so direct? Thor found himself wondering. It had always been the one area in life in which he'd always said things outright. No pretence, no propriety. Just asking.

The memories wouldn't leave him, even as he bid Loki an awkward goodnight and made his way back to his horribly familiar rooms.

He'd been powerless to resist. Loki had asked and so he'd stood up, undone his clothes, his erection springing out from them, Loki gasping.

_"Can I touch it?"_

Thor flopped on his bed, his wretched body excited by all of this, stirring up old feelings.

Loki had wrapped his hand around him, stroking almost thoughtfully, Thor's breath shuddering. This was trouble, this was a step too far.

_"We shouldn't."_

_"Why not?"_

And he'd leant forward to wrap his lips around it.

Thor had been shocked. That was his first reaction. Amazed that Loki would want this, would want him. And in the years since their separation, he'd questioned everything about it. Had it been real? On his part, yes. He loved Loki fiercely, almost jealously, wanted to protect and shield him from the stresses of his rank.

Not that he'd done terribly well at that.

And now he was thinking about what Loki had said about being infatuated with him. How could that be? When he could have had anyone he pleased?

He remembered gasping, feeling that this was a transgression, that he wasn't worthy of this attention. But how could he resist when Loki was looking up at him, gauging his reaction, his mouth so warm and wet...?

How shameful that even memories were enough to rouse his body now. His cock was thickening without his permission, stirred by thoughts of how they used to be together.

Recognising a losing battle, Thor reached for himself, stroking idly and trying to pick a suitable occasion to reminisce on. One with fewer emotions tied to it.

They had quickly moved from mouths and hands to... other things. Loki was always greedy, loved to experiment and luxuriate in pleasure and Thor was helpless to deny him.

He recalled a day in the woods even, the two of them stalking a deer. And Loki had made an offhand comment about being beyond the sight of the palace and Thor had agreed, that they'd walked for hours and there were no people around for miles probably and then Loki had hummed thoughtfully.

_"That's good because I'm feeling dreadfully empty."_

Thor's cock throbbed at the memory, the way his jaw had dropped.

_"Here?" he'd stammered. "In the open?"_

_"Why not?"_

He'd said that so often. Why not touch each other, why not enjoy themselves, why not, why not?

Loki had pulled him close, into the kind of kiss that even now haunted his dreams, all passion and intensity and he'd whispered in Thor's ear.

_"I prepared myself before we left. I want you, now."_

And he'd turned, lowering his breeches just enough, pulling Thor's hand to feel where he was slick with oil and slightly open, bracing against a tree.

_"Don't make me have wasted my time, Thor. I want you."_

As if he could have. Thor had used his fingers first despite Loki's urging, trying to ensure he was stretched enough and finally pressing his cock inside.

What a tableau they would have made for anyone who spied them, the prince and the king's ward making love beneath the open sky.

If you could call what they did "making love." It came from love, on Thor's part anyway. Loki seemed to simply be voracious. He enjoyed taking Thor apart. He'd laughed as Thor cursed, sheathing his cock within his body.

_"Am I tight for you?"_

_"Always."_

_"Mmm... You feel even bigger than usual like this. I wish you could fill me always. Come on, fuck me."_

_"Loki..."_

_"Tho-or..."_

That singsong voice did things to him. Almost mocking, playful, goading him on. And so he'd started, slowly, trying to be careful but soon encouraged into quick thrusts that made Loki keen, reaching around him to stroke his cock as rapidly as he could, aware that he wasn't going to last.

Thor spilled to the memory of them both crying out, painting the tree with their spend. Loki had been very pleased, something about being one with his land, explaining away the scratches on his hands later as from a stumble.

Did Loki still have such an appetite or had he calmed over the years? Who shared his bed now?

Thor fell asleep definitely not feeling any envy of that unknown person. Not at all.


	7. Reinforcements

Thor itched for action. He needed to be out, searching. Loki didn't seem keen to let him out of the palace, though.

"When we next hear of a credible sighting, I will come with you to hunt it."

"And in the meantime?"

"You can advise the guards on what to look out for."

They seemed very well drilled, as always. Thor even recognised a few of them from years ago. There hadn't been any wars and barely so much as a skirmish since Loki's father took the throne; soldiering had a fairly high life expectancy these days.

"It's good to have you back, my lord," the captain said as his men marched up and down, running weapons practice.

"Thank you. I understand a lot has happened in my absence."

It was a vague statement, designed to let the man assume he knew more than he did. Loki was being rather evasive and he genuinely couldn't tell if it was deliberate or not.

"Oh, well, one hears rumours, of course, but I doubt they're worth listening to."

Interesting.

"Such as?"

"Well," he said, leaning close and lowering his voice. "Apparently there was some talk that there was another claimant to the throne. Some people were really getting behind the idea, considering trying to raise an army."

"But the land is prosperous. Peaceful. Why would they want another war?"

"Money, most likely. Lot of money to be made in war. Or power if they managed to instil someone more malleable to the throne. As you know, his majesty does not allow himself to be steered easily."

No. No, he didn't.

Another claimant though. That was interesting. He wasn't aware of any cousins or other members of the royal family. Loki came from a line of only children. So unless it was someone on his mother's side... That was a possibility, he supposed.

No wonder Loki was rattled if he had that risk hanging over his head along with trying to prove his leadership against the beast.

He needed a friend. Maybe, Thor thought, he should try to be that friend. If he could bring himself to.

"The guard who was killed - who was he? What happened?"

"Fairly new. Name was Benjamin Trajet. I believe he was patrolling alone."

"Is that usual?"

"Not generally. His partner had felt the call of nature and stepped away, heard the scream, rushed back to find him already dead. No sign of the beast."

"It must have surprised him. But why attack? It seems to have eaten parts of the other victims, but not him. And not Lady Gementi either."

"Well, it was interrupted both times. Maybe it would have done if it had been left alone."

"Maybe. And I hate to inflict it on your men, but no one should be alone, even in... private moments."

"I quite agree, my lord."

He still wasn't totally comfortable with the title. It was like trying to wear an old pair of shoes that somehow didn't fit so well anymore.

"Thank you. You've been very helpful."

It hadn't told him very much, but he was moving away from his theory about rabies a little. A rabid animal would not care about a second person being present. But that meant surely it was killing for food.

Why attack humans, though? There were many other prey in this area, both wild and domesticated. There was no famine, no reason for it to be forced.

Maybe it simply liked the taste of human flesh. They said, didn't they, that an animal that had tasted human blood could never be trusted as safe?

He didn't know much about that, but perhaps it was possible.

He was shown the perimeter of the palace grounds. There were hedges and walls but evidently they hadn't really given much protection to the victims. He ordered some gaps to be reinforced anyway, just in case.

As he made his way back towards the palace, alongside two guards, of course, his eyes were drawn magnetically towards Loki's window. The king's window, his private chambers.

He was standing in it, looking out. Thor couldn't make out much, too far away, but he seemed troubled.

Before really thinking about it, Thor waved, seeing Loki startle at it. Probably didn't think he could be seen.

After a moment, he raised a hand in recognition.

Had it been a while since someone waved at him from the garden? Had he isolated himself for some reason? Some fear, perhaps that anyone who got close was a potential betrayal.

He must be so lonely.

Thor thought he knew a little about that. He'd been banished from his home, away from everyone and everything he knew. And he'd hated it.

It must be dreadful to feel isolated within your own home, your own kingdom. Surrounded by people but unable to talk to them.

He tried to shake his mind from such thoughts. After all, the maid might be prepared to talk to him now.


	8. Planning

She was not really ready to talk. The poor girl - and she was a girl, perhaps fourteen or fifteen - was still visibly shocked, an untouched plate by her bedside, large brown eyes staring into the distance. They'd put her in a very fine room, the bed making her look very small.

"Hello," Thor said softly, lifting a chair over carefully so it wouldn't scrape against the floor. "I'm Thor. Can you tell me about what happened yesterday?"

She seemed to look right through him, as though she thought his voice was coming from far away. And then she focussed, frowning, visible effort on her face.

"My lady and I were out walking before dinner. And suddenly it appeared, out of nowhere. It made no noise. No barking, no growl. And it leapt at her and she fought it but it was too big. Too strong. And it..."

Her breathing at had been speeding up, her chest rising and falling like a rabbit before a fox.

"What did it look like?" Thor asked.

"Huge. The biggest dog I ever saw."

"A dog? Not a wolf?"

"I've never seen a wolf, my lord. It all happened so fast..."

He nodded, hoping she was at least able to take some comfort from being heard. She was distressed though. He shouldn't prolong it.

"Thank you," he said. "I'm very sorry. You should try to eat something if you can."

She wasn't listening to him. She'd gone back inside her head. He just hoped they'd be able to help her, in time.

Loki was waiting for him outside, looking rather tired.

"Anything?"

"Not really," Thor sighed. "Just that it was a large dog-like animal. She's still very shaken. She said it made no sound though. I found that odd. I would expect a dog to growl and even wolves make some noises."

He fell into step along the corridor, their feet clicking slightly against the floor.

"I've decreed that all domestic hounds must be kept indoors and isolated," Loki said. "Just in case. And I am preparing for our excursion."

"You still plan to go?"

An exhale, heavy, like he was trying to expel his thoughts out through his lungs.

"I need to get out of the palace. I need some... Some air. Even if it is for unpleasant reasons."

Thor wasn't sure how much of his discoveries about the attempted coup he ought to reveal. Clearly it was a sore spot.

"It must be very stressful," he said instead.

"What must?"

"Being king."

He'd said the wrong thing, he knew it immediately. Loki's nostrils flared just slightly, a subtle sign of annoyance that he likely didn't realise Thor could see. Likely didn't know he was doing it.

"I can handle it."

"I don't doubt that. But that doesn't mean it's not difficult sometimes."

He wasn't sure if that had helped or not. Maybe it was time to hold out something of an olive branch.

"If you want to talk about... anything..."

"I'm fine."

They'd headed back to his office, what used to be Laufey's. Even after so many years, his presence felt heavy. His portrait gazed down at them with an impassive gaze, an expression he'd never worn in life as far as Thor remembered.

"With respect, Loki, you're clearly not. How are you sleeping?"

"Perfectly well."

Liar. Even at his happiest, Loki didn't sleep well. He'd always fallen asleep later and woken up earlier than Thor did. And that would go on for a week or two and then he'd have a day where he'd do little but sleep, catching up on it.

But Thor knew when to try his luck and when to back away.

"Alright," he said, holding his hands up. "I'm just letting you know that I'm here for you. That is the reason you've called me back, isn't it? Or part of it?"

"Not at all. I'm fine."

Thor elected to let him lie to himself. He often took a while to come round to things and the trick, in Thor's experience, was to let him think that everything was his idea. If he ever admitted that he needed help, it would have to be on his terms.

It had been a rather tiring way to have a relationship, but he'd been very tolerant of that. It had been worth it to know he was Loki's favourite person in the world.

Maybe he even still was, despite everything, despite all the time they'd been apart. And that was a very sad thought.

"How many men are we taking on the hunting trip then?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"None."

"None?!"

"Just the two of us. The guards need to be here, looking after everyone. We'll manage, I'm sure. It should only take a few days."

He was very confident. Thor wished he could share that.

"It's close by," Loki said. "It must be if it killed one of my men and Lady Gementi. Therefore it is most likely to be in the forest. We'll work methodically, on foot, searching for any den or evidence. And we'll find it, kill it and drag its body back. I intend to have it stuffed and put on display."

"Like a trophy?"

"Like a reminder that I will protect my people. That I will take decisions wisely."

He looked up at that last part, swallowing, letting out an odd little cough.

"Banishing you was a mistake," he said. "I should never have done it. I'm sorry."

That had taken a lot. Thor took a deep, slow breath.

"Thank you," he said. "I just wish I understood why. You didn't really think I did anything to your father, did you? I loved him."

"And he loved you. More than he loved me, I feel."

"That's not true. You are his son. Your blood is his blood. You're royalty."

"Only second generation though. I sometimes wonder if it takes a few rounds to properly bed in. Maybe my son, if I ever get round to having one, will feel more at ease. Or maybe not. Maybe that's why I keep putting it off."

Thor wasn't sure what to say to that. He felt very awkward, standing by the desk.

"You'll have no shortage of offers, I'm sure," he tried.

"No. But whichever woman I choose must be the right one. Her family will feel elevated above all their fellows. So then I waver over whether to reward a friend or try to turn an enemy into an ally and then there are the ladies themselves to consider."

"Any you particularly like?"

"It's difficult to know if you like people when they only show you masks of what they think you want."

He pointed at his map, elegant hands, signet ring glinting.

"I say we aim for here, the centre of the forest and work outwards in a spiral. If we stumble upon it along the way, all well and good."

He seemed to think it was going to be easy.

If only.


	9. Setting Out

At least it was a nice day to begin a journey. Loki had announced it officially at dinner and there had been a palpable sense of relief that something drastic was being done.

Weapons checking had fallen to Thor - his own pistols of course and a pair of rifles. Loki would also have a sword, beautiful and extremely sharp. And they'd have knives, mainly for food but they'd do in a pinch if they were surprised.

The arms master brought him a box as he was checking all the guns were clean and operating normally.

"The special bullets requested by his majesty, my lord," he said.

Thor frowned, picking one out, noting how very shiny they were.

"Are these... silver? Why would he do that?"

"I couldn't say, my lord. I merely obey."

Thor found Loki down in the kitchen organising food for the trip, heavy and dense things, designed to keep them going for days.

"Silver bullets? Really?"

He waved away the cook, taking Thor into one of the storerooms.

"Of course. Silver is very cleansing. They kill even demons and other creatures of darkness. Werewolves, for example."

Thor scoffed.

"Werewolves? It's not a werewolf! There's no such thing."

"You seem very sure. It's a creature behaving in a way you don't recognise, bigger and stranger than any other wolf. It could be something supernatural."

Rolling his eyes, Thor folded his arms.

"I realise you want great stories to be told about you, but making up stuff like this..."

"I'm not. I think it's a genuine possibility."

"You are such a liar!"

Loki laid a hand on his shoulder, his lips curved in a half smile.

"Humour me. Think of it like your talisman. Taking any potential help we can get."

Maybe he had a point. Still, the feeling of Loki's touch, even through his clothes, caused something strange to happen to Thor. It almost felt like a shiver, like the sensation of having heard something before. Or felt it before.

Was that the first time they'd touched since he came back?

"Fine. But I won't be spreading those rumours for you."

They were only taking one horse, mainly to carry their supplies rather than ride, and Thor was a little concerned as he checked everything.

"One tent?"

Loki shrugged.

"There didn't seem much point in dragging two around unnecessarily. It's much quicker to put up and take down."

He was right, and it would be warmer too, but that didn't dispel Thor's fears about how close they'd have to get, how it might stir up... old feelings.

Not that he was averse to such things, in principle - he couldn't deny that he still found Loki deeply attractive - but he couldn't help feeling that it might be too painful to glimpse a fleeting shadow of what they used to have.

Besides, Loki probably wasn't thinking of that at all.

The left in a flurry of good wishes, Loki taking people's hands in both of his and swearing that he would protect them. Thor stood by, awkward and stiff. Laufey would never had done anything so personal. But it also had a degree of ceremony to it, of staging the trip as a triumph before it even began.

Like he'd been posing for a portrait. Like he anticipated that the moment of the wise and brave King Loki reassuring his people would be immortalised in etchings and songs down the centuries.

The forest air was welcome. Rich and fresh and different from the palace. They both took full lungfuls of it, Thor feeling some cobwebs blowing away. It was almost like old times, out hunting together.

"We'll head due north for about six hours and then camp," Loki said. "That should give us time to eat before sunset."

"We can go for longer than that," Thor said. "Eight, minimum. We'll be practically at the centre then."

He wasn't being deliberately contrary. He genuinely thought it was a better idea. But Loki merely sighed, making his opinions very clear.

"Or we could stop after six," Thor said. "You're king, you decide."

"Yes."

Even for Loki, that was a bit of a blunt thing to say. But Thor let it slide, trying to settle into silence, alert to any sounds around them. He didn't have a grip on the beast's habits yet. He'd expect it to perhaps be semi-noctural but some of the attacks appeared to have happened in broad daylight. It was very odd.

"So what have you been doing with yourself for the past five years?" Loki asked.

Thor paused.

"This and that," he said. "I've had a lot of small jobs. Buying and selling. Hunting, selling meat. I looked after grouse for a while. No one knew I was disgraced up north. I was just an ordinary man. Still am, really."

"No. I'm going to restore all your titles officially once this is done. Everyone's calling you a lord already. Might as well have it recorded."

That sat ill with him somewhat.

"What if I don't want you to?"

"I'm afraid that's not your choice. Besides, it's not really for you. It's for the people to note my mercy."

"Mercy?"

"Like I said, banishing you was a mistake. Sending my father's favourite away looked very bad. But now you're back and you will use your skills, prove yourself loyal and be re-elevated to your former position."

Well, then.

"You've got it all planned."

"Well, you know me. I'm never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or a gift wolf, as the case may be."

Pretty strange gift...


	10. First Night

Setting up camp with Loki. It felt horribly, horribly familiar. They must have done this dozens of times over the years, pegging down canvas, pulling out ropes. No fire tonight. They didn't need it.

Even Loki's practical excursion food was delicious. Not hot, but dense, filling. The bread had to be made of the finest flour in the country, sweet onions and garlic running all through the dough.

And Thor definitely wasn't thinking about the fact that they were soon going to have to bed down together in a rather small tent.

"Looks clear tonight," Loki said.

Was that a hint? Did he want...?

"I can sleep outside if that's easier," Thor said.

Loki shot him a look, somewhere between hurt and annoyed.

"There's barely any cloud cover," he said. "You'd be freezing."

"Yes, but... Look, I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not."

"Good."

Why didn't that sound convincing? Still, Thor was determined not to be the one to blink first, taking off his outer layers and rolling them up as a makeshift pillow but leaving his trousers on.

"You don't have to be so bundled up, you know," Loki said. "I'm not going to jump on your cock in the middle of the night."

Thor spluttered and stammered, knowing he was going a shade of red he thought he'd left firmly in his adolescence.

"I didn't think you would!"

"Why not? I used to. And now you've somehow grown even more handsome than when I last saw you. It would be an entirely logical assumption to make."

A lightning bolt to strike him dead or the beast itself making an appearance would be very welcome, Thor felt. Anything but the horrible knowledge that he had also noticed how Loki had settled into himself, into his body, how his always graceful movements were now empty of any awkwardness clinging from youth.

"I mean... unless you wanted me to," Loki said.

Thor swallowed hard. He wasn't sure if this was a tease or not and so he elected to take it seriously.

"I'm not sure we're there yet," he said softly, shaking out his blankets. "Do you?"

He watched Loki blink, slowly, like acceptance, his face blank. Taking a step back internally.

"I mean..." Thor said, trying to sort out his thoughts. "I loved you. I really loved you, more than anything and I've tried to hate you and never really managed it and so I tried for indifference and I don't know how well that worked and now I'm back, where I never thought I would ever be again, and I'm... I need time to adjust. I'm sorry."

"I was joking," Loki said.

Thor didn't quite believe him, but didn't bother saying anything more. They'd need their sleep, need to be rested for the morning.

It took a long time for him to drift off though. He kept listening to Loki's breathing, distracted by it, trying to decide if he was asleep or not.

Maybe they were both lying awake listening to each other.

He woke to the sound of a wood pigeon, that unmistakable lilting three-note call, sunlight already making the canvas glow slightly where it managed to penetrate the thick fabric.

And no Loki beside him.

He scrambled out of the tent, half in a panic, finding Loki already up and dressed, looking at him in surprise.

"What?" he asked.

"I... You shouldn't go off alone. It's dangerous."

Rolled eyes, freshly filled waterskins in his grasp.

"I was barely ten feet away."

"Still."

"Alright, next time, I'll wake you up. Happy?"

He seemed frustrated. Perhaps he really wasn't sleeping well.

"Where do you think we should start?" Thor asked.

"You're the hunter. You tell me."

"It's your land."

"That doesn't mean I know every inch of it."

This combativeness was growing tiresome. Thor held in his sigh and began buckling his belt.

"Then we'll do your plan. Spiral out from here. Look for signs. Tracks, evidence of kills, droppings, that kind of thing. Scratches on trees to mark territory."

"If you think I'm going to touch anything's droppings..."

They took down the tent with minimal fuss. Maybe it was Thor's imagination, but he felt almost certain that Loki was avoiding even the risk of touching one another as much as he could.

Then again, maybe that was a good thing.


	11. Convincing

Two days of walking later, Thor was beginning to wonder if he had died and gone to Hell, cursed to walk the Earth forever in the company of his former lover.

The worst thing was that occasionally it felt like old times. Sometimes the conversation stopped being like pulling teeth, stopped being quite so difficult and flowed almost like it had way back when.

And then Loki would seem to notice and force himself to clam up. Like he wouldn't let them have any respite from the awkwardness.

And the nights... Lord above, the nights.

The first time Loki had rolled over into him, an arm flopping across his chest, Thor had thought his heart might burst. Every part of him wanted to pull him fully into his arms and yet he resisted. They couldn't do this. Not now. Maybe not ever.

After they found the beast, maybe he'd go away again. It felt too awful to be here, among the ghosts of their affair.

He was cooking over a small fire in the evening, a rabbit they'd stumbled across on their way, not much but something, when Loki said something very quiet.

"Hmm?" Thor asked.

"Do you ever wonder about your parents?"

What a strange question.

"No, not really. They died when I was a baby. I never knew them."

"But surely you must be curious about where you came from."

"I suppose, a little. I asked your father about them sometimes. My father was a general in his army, killed in battle and my mother died of sickness so he took me in. They were fine, ordinary people and they died. I don't really know anything else."

He carefully pulled the rabbit out of the fire, setting about cutting it up on one of their pewter plates.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you'd had different parents?" Loki asked.

This really was a peculiar line of thought. What did it matter? These things were as they were; they couldn't be changed.

"I suppose, a little," Thor said. "If they had lived, Laufey would never have taken me in. We might never have met, never have..."

He bit his tongue before he could finish that sentence. He could hardly bear it. And Loki was gazing into the distance, miles away in thought.

"I wonder what I would have been if my father had not been my father. If he had lost the war. What would I have made of myself if my life had not been laid out for me?"

Thor held out a plate to him, the fire reflected in his eyes. He took it and ate almost like he didn't realise he was doing it.

"Well, you're very intelligent," Thor said uncertainly. "You'd have been something great."

"Would I? What if I'd been born to a penniless milkmaid? Happening to live in a palace makes things a lot easier."

That was probably true. This seemed a very melancholic state of mind, though.

"Do you like being king?"

At least he was looking up now.

"Why wouldn't I? Why would I be fighting so hard to keep it if I didn't?"

"It's just you don't seem very happy."

"We've been over this. I'm fine. It's just... sometimes I wonder about these things. And I wonder what would have happened if I'd made different choices. But you can't go back. You can only go forward."

Thor chewed and swallowed, trying to find the right thing to say.

"Would you want to go back?" he asked. "If you could?"

Loki didn't reply. He seemed very far away again.

"If I hadn't banished you, do you think we'd have managed?" he asked. "Together, I mean."

Thor considered that for a moment or two.

"Honestly? I think we'd have torn each other apart. Our lives were changing so much. We couldn't expect everything to stay the same. We wouldn't have been able to sneak off in the middle of the day when we were bored for one thing."

"Mm. We did do that a lot, didn't we? Do you remember when the prince from Morocco visited? That trade delegation?"

"The one you were practically drooling over from the moment he rode his horse through the palace gates with his hair all perfect and his teeth sparkling? Yes, oddly enough I do."

"He was very handsome!"

"Oh, I know. And he knew it too. Could have had half the palace on their knees if he'd wanted."

Loki was smiling slightly, away in his memories.

"You had me so many times that week. We almost got caught at least twice. I liked you jealous and insatiable. I liked you reminding me who I belonged to."

Faint discomfort gripped Thor's heart, shuffling awkwardly.

"It wasn't like that."

"It was a bit. But I liked belonging to you. It made me feel safe somehow."

"Until it didn't."

A sigh, running his hand through his hair.

"The kingdom owns me now. From the moment my father died, it took hold of me. I got... tangled up in it. And I was so sure that eventually you were going to get bored and leave me that I decided to preempt it. And I've regretted that for a long time."

He met Thor's gaze, his eyes huge and slightly watery.

"I know we can't go back," he said softly, barely above a whisper. "But could you pretend? For a night? Please?"

Thor took a swig of his water, trying to keep his breathing steady.

"What exactly are you asking for, Loki? What do you want?"

He put down his plate, standing up and approaching, every step making Thor's heart ache.

And suddenly he was in Thor's lap, his arms draped over his shoulders, looking down at him, so handsome and almost unsure.

"I want you to fuck me," he said softly. "I want to remember how it feels to be full, to be stretched open, to have no room left for any thoughts or worries."

He canted his hips forward and Thor heard himself gasp, his body responding eagerly while his brain tried desperately to be rational.

"I'm not sure I can," he said.

"Of course you can," Loki said, rocking slightly, no doubt feeling Thor's cock beginning to thicken, so very quickly. "It's just flesh. It's just bodies. No feelings involved."

But there would be feelings. Thor knew there would be, and yet...

"Mmm... Oh, Thor, I'm so empty..."

He went for Loki's mouth, trying to cover it, only really succeeding in giving his more ammunition, catching two of his fingers and sucking on them.

"That's not fair," he said, his voice practically shaking.

"But you always loved how much I wanted you. And I do. I need it, Thor, it's been so long..."

Damn... Damn his weakness.

He was going to regret this...

"Do we have any slick?"

"Cooking oil in the packs."

"Right. Get in the tent."

Loki grinned, leaning forward to kiss him.

Oh, it was unfair how nice that was... Like the first shoots of spring when the frosts weren't quite done, probably going to be iced again and wither unless the weather held, a promise of regrowth that he didn't want to believe was true just in case it wasn't, just in case this was a mistake.

Loki swung his way off Thor's lap, swaying his way to the tent, letting Thor dampen the fire and go for the oil.

He shouldn't, he knew he shouldn't, and yet...

Well, he'd always been weak when it came to Loki.


	12. Lying

Loki was already naked somehow, taking Thor's breath away in a gasp, idly stroking his cock, legs parted just enough to provide a hint of hidden flesh.

He was still so beautiful, but it was more than that, it was the culmination of their whole lives together, of a thousand times they'd seen each other like this before.

Last chance to turn back and yet Thor knew he wouldn't.

"Alright," he said. "Alright, come on."

"Like this?"

"You pick. I don't mind."

A little hum, rolling over, pushing himself up to his hands and knees.

"This way, then. Better leverage. And you always liked seeing your cock pushing into me."

Thor wished that wasn't true, wished he was strong enough to resist, but his erection was straining against the fabric of his breeches already, shuffling forward and uncorking the bottle of oil.

Loki's breathing seemed incredibly loud, echoing off the canvas, letting out a slight grunt when Thor swirled a finger over his hole and then started pushing inside. He didn't have time to tease. He might realise what a terrible idea this was if he thought about it too much.

"Mm... Oh, I've missed your fingers. Mine aren't the same. Come on, deeper. And use two."

"You're not ready for two."

"But I want..."

How little had changed. So demanding, so needy and once again Thor felt like he was helpless to resist obeying.

He used plenty of oil though. They were doing this safely, or at least as safely as possible. And Loki sighed happily as he carefully eased him open, those tight muscles yielding to him, the familiar heat of his body almost dizzying.

"I'm ready. Fuck me."

"Not yet. It'll hurt."

"Maybe I want it to hurt."

Thor rubbed his prostate gently just to make him moan.

"No," he said. "None of that."

Despite his words, he was rushing slightly, but it was still enough, finally undoing his trousers, slicking up his cock and pressing the head against Loki's hole.

"Go slowly," Loki said. "Watch yourself. Every inch."

Damn him, he did. He loved seeing the slide, the way such a tiny opening managed to stretch enough to take him, the way they fit together.

Loki moaned, pushing back against him like he could go even deeper, both of them panting for air.

"Just how I remember," he said, his voice slightly strained, rocking slightly, getting comfortable.

Thor couldn't make words. He was afraid that if he tried then something too much like the truth would come tumbling out. That he'd missed him, that this was a dreadful idea, that they should stop now even when he knew it might be the last time they ever did this and that thought was almost too much to bear.

Instead, he took hold of Loki's flanks, squeezing just lightly, feeling the bones beneath the muscles and slowly drew his cock all the way out just to enjoy pushing it back in. Every time, Loki let out a little sigh, like he wanted nothing more than to be full and that Thor's cock was the perfect way to achieve that feeling.

"Don't tease," Loki breathed. "Let me have it. Let me have it all."

Closing his eyes in an effort to hold back the tears that threatened to gather there, Thor shoved forward, making Loki cry out, setting himself a steady pace, one he could maintain for a while.

Loki's body clenched around him, the sound of heavy breathing echoing around them, using his arms to try to make each thrust harder than Thor wanted, trying to angle himself differently.

Thor laid a hand on his back, pushing him gently but firmly down until he obeyed, planting his face among the blankets, turned to the side, his gaze meeting Thor's.

"Keep your hand on my throat," he murmured. "Hold me down."

Unsure if he liked this, Thor placed his palm over the back of his neck, fingers tangling slightly in his hair, seeing Loki bite his lip in pleasure, like he was trying not to make too much noise.

Thor used to like covering his mouth, feeling all his moans vibrating against his hand, keeping them all for himself.

"Let me hear you," he murmured, not even meaning to say it out loud, Loki's teeth glinting as he grinned.

"Make me," he said.

An old game. Thor gripped his hip tighter and gave him a few harder thrusts, gratified by the way his mouth instantly formed a perfect circle, his eyes wide, but still little more than a hint of a cry. Holding himself back.

Thor moved, trying to find that perfect spot inside him, trying to rub it every time, hearing from the catch in Loki's breathing when he'd found it, grinning despite himself and beginning a tortuously slow slide over it, keeping Loki in place.

"Thor..."

"Mm?"

"Come on... It was so good just a moment ago."

Slowly, slowly, feeling Loki writhe beneath him but not really trying to escape. Just playing.

"Thor! Ah..."

He'd stopped, just rubbing the head of his cock over that tight bundle of nerves, just the tiniest motions but enough that it was probably sending jolts of pleasure through him.

"Please, Thor."

That was all he wanted to hear, moving again properly, hearing Loki curse him but with no heat in it, cries falling from his lips now, reaching back to take himself in hand.

On another occasion, Thor might have stopped him, might have teased him some more, but he could feel the beginning of his own climax, no longer able to resist the heat and the tightness of Loki's body, knowing that his rhythm was becoming somewhat irregular.

"Don't stop," Loki said. "Just a little more..."

Eyes tightly closed, Thor used the last of his energy, hearing a familiar cry and gasp and finally letting go, moaning as Loki's body squeezed his softening cock.

And that was it. The spell was broken and any pretence they were clinging to of being in the distant past was over. He had to awkwardly shuffle back, Loki flopping into the blankets, both of them trying to get their breath back and not knowing what to say.

"Thank you," Loki breathed. "I really needed that."

"You're welcome."

They slept sticky and back to back. No cuddles. No kisses.

And Thor wished he didn't want them.


	13. Truths

Loki had at least managed to pull on some clothes when Thor's eyes fluttered open the next morning. His muscles ached a little, motions he hadn't done in a long time making themselves known.

"Morning," Loki said, looking like he'd been awake for ages. "I'm going to wash in the pond we passed yesterday. You coming?"

Grunting, Thor rolled onto his back, stretching.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Good idea."

He'd clearly been up for a little while. The plates were packed away, the oil too. He had to have moved very quietly to manage it.

"What'd you do with the rabbit bones?" Thor asked. "They might have been good enough for soup."

"There was hardly anything left. Threw them away into the trees. Hopefully a good enough throw not to attract anything to us. We probably shouldn't have left them out all night."

Yes, well, whose fault had that been?

Thor thought that, even as he secretly knew it was probably his own weakness, his own inability to resist.

It wasn't the biggest pool in the world, but it would do, just to get rid of the sweat and the... other things. Thor tried not to look as Loki stripped but didn't do a very good job of it. There were marks on one of his hips, faint bruises.

"I'm sorry," Thor said.

"What?"

"The... That."

He gestured at his own thigh, Loki looking down like he hadn't noticed, very relaxed in his nudity.

"Oh. Oh, don't be. I like it."

Something unpleasant rolled in Thor's stomach as Loki slipped into the water, gasping slightly at the chill. Regret and uncertainty.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said, pulling off his shirt. "I never meant to."

"For God's sake, Thor, it's fine. If anything, I wanted you to be rougher. But you don't like that and so it's fine."

"I just wish I understood why," Thor said, getting in quickly, hiding. It was cold but that felt good. Refreshing.

Loki dunked his head, coming up with his hair clinging to his shoulders, rubbing at his face.

"I don't get to be... vulnerable," he said. "Never have. I definitely couldn't show weakness in front of my father, not ever. And anything like that in court, well, they're like vultures waiting for you to die then. But sometimes I... I feel the need to be a little more helpless. And you're the only person I've ever trusted to see me like that."

Thor stared at him, concerned.

"That's not how it feels to me," he said eventually. "You're always demanding and in control."

"But sometimes you say no. No one ever says no to me. But you do, you tell me no, we won't do that, you tell me when I'm not ready, you only give me what I can handle and I trust you to do that and keep me safe. It's... It's nice, alright? I don't know what else to say."

"I still don't want to leave you bruised."

"Well, maybe I like being a little bruised. Maybe I deserve it."

"Why?"

A look across the water, guarded and wary.

"Because I've done some bad things."

Thor's chest tightened, unsure, feeling slightly lost.

"Such as?" he asked tentatively.

A sigh, scrubbing down his arms.

"Such as never you mind, Thor. Last night was wonderful, I hope we can do it again some time, but for now let's leave it at that and hunt our beast, shall we?"

Shut down. No more talking. Thor finished washing with something of a heavy heart, desperately wanting to know more, wanting to know when Loki had begun using him as a means to quiet his mind. And what were these bad deeds? What did he mean?

"Being king must involve hard choices," he said, using his tunic to dry himself off and pulling on his trousers. It was warm enough to go shirtless.

"Yes, it does."

"But someone has to make them. You can't blame yourself for that."

"I don't want to discuss it."

"Maybe you should. Since vulnerability is such an issue for you."

No response. Loki set off through the trees, leaving Thor to scramble after him, taking the tent down mostly in silence.

"Do you want to know why I really banished you, Thor?" Loki asked as they rolled it up.

This was unexpected. Hadn't he said something about fearing their separation? About making the decision first? Then again, it hadn't seemed to make much sense. Thor certainly didn't think he'd given him any reason to think that was a risk.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I would."

Loki tied the bundle of canvas onto the back of their pack, huffing out a sigh.

"It all started just before my father died. He summoned me to his deathbed. And I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see him like that, didn't want to hear his rattling breath or see him in pain. I loved him deeply, even if we didn't always get along."

Thor didn't want to interrupt, waiting in the pauses.

"He told me that he needed to tell me something," Loki said softly. "Something about you."

"I had nothing to do with his death," Thor said urgently. "I swear, if he thought I did, he was mistaken."

"Of course you didn't. Why would you have? What would you have gained? But he told me something about you that you didn't know. Still don't."

"What? What is it?"

He finally looked at him, the horse incongruously eating grass like a momentous conversation wasn't happening right next to it.

"He told me who your parents were."

Thor could feel his own breathing, rushing through his nostrils, like a cornered animal trying to decide whether to attack or attempt to flee.

"My father was one of his generals, killed in the civil war," he said. "Laufey took me in as a remembrance of his loyalty."

"What was his name, Thor?"

"Roland du Bois. I've seen his records. He died in the final battle and his wife not soon afterwards..."

"Yes, he did. But they were not your parents."

"Then... Then who am I?"

Even though he had not known them, even though he knew so little about them, Thor felt as though his world was crumbling. His father not his father? It was ridiculous. This was a mistake, it had to be.

"My father took you in to control you," Loki said. "To keep you under his watch, to mould you himself as loyal and faithful to our family. Because you are the son of Odin. The deposed king."

Thor's stomach dropped.

This couldn't be true. There was no way it could be true.

"Odin had no sons," Thor said uncertainly. "He fell in battle with no issue."

"You had just been born. Your mother died giving you life during the final days of the war. She'd kept you secret from all but the most trusted of her servants, one of whom was a spy for my father. You were delivered to him when the fighting was over and he knew the risk that if you lived, one day you might raise an army and return to claim the throne. But I had also just been born and he asked himself, if things had gone a different way, what would he want for his own child? And so he lied. Took you in. Brought you up with no knowledge of who you really were."

This couldn't be true...

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't I make it common knowledge that my father's ward, the man everyone would prefer to be king, actually had a strong claim to the throne? Why do you think?"

"But I wouldn't have..."

"I just couldn't bear it, Thor! I couldn't stand having you there, knowing that you were everything that I was not, wondering if that was because you ought to be ruling instead of me. And so I... I..."

"You banished me."

A heavy sigh, wiping his eyes, shoulders slumped.

"And I've regretted it every day since."


	14. Surprise

Thor was stunned. The world seemed somehow unreal, the sunlight and the forest seeming like drawings, like he was separate from his own body.

Son of Odin... He couldn't believe it. It didn't seem possible. And yet, when he thought about it, about the images drawn of Laufey's conquest over the old regime, maybe he did bear a little resemblance to the old king. Around the eyes, the cheeks. They were never perfect likenesses, but good enough.

How strange for Laufey to see the son of his great enemy grow up alongside his own child.

And how awful for Loki if he believed his father had preferred him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I was afraid. I thought maybe you'd... I don't even know."

"I wouldn't have tried to take the throne. I loved you too much. Besides, it's too much responsibility."

"I know. It was a mistake. I didn't know what else to do."

Thor sighed, a stone in his heart, a knot almost. He didn't know how to deal with this.

"So why now?" he asked. "Why tell me now?"

"I almost told you by the fire, but I wanted one more night before this came between us. And then it was just a matter of getting brave enough."

A bitter laugh, not that it was really funny.

"God, the other claimant. The one the rebellion was going to be built around. It was me, wasn't it?"

"I think so. But you weren't involved. They didn't even know where you were. And the beast had just arisen and so I... I took my chance to bring you back. I thought if everyone saw you were loyal to me then... Then they'd stop."

It was difficult not to feel a little rejected.

"Was that the only reason? You just brought me back to keep an eye on me?"

Loki sighed but didn't say anything, Thor reaching for his hand, pulling him back and cornering him against a tree.

"Is that the only reason?"

Loki gazed at him, finally as himself, not as a king but as a man. As the man he used to love. Probably still did, if he was truly honest with himself.

"Did I dream that you'd fall right back in love with me immediately? Of course I did. But I do realise that's impossible. I've... done too much, kept too much from you. It's no wonder you hate me."

"I don't," Thor sighed. "I don't think I can."

"But you don't love me either."

Thor hesitated, not ready to admit it quite yet.

"That would take time. I'm still not used to being around you again. It's difficult and I know you feel that too."

"Of course I do. But that means I can't help wondering if that will always be the case or not."

"I don't know."

They stared at each other, at an impasse, until Loki ducked under his arm.

"Anyway, things are different now you know the truth," he said. "They'll have to be."

"I don't see why. How many people know who I am? Can't be that many if my birth was a secret."

"Pregnancies are rather difficult to conceal though. I believe there's a group who know the full truth and some others following the rumours of a secret second heir. I gather some of them believe I have a secret twin, though I've no idea why that would be concealed."

"Difficult to tell who would be first in line to the throne, I expect. But still, I don't think I'd like it to be common knowledge."

"Why not? It's your birthright."

"I don't want to be used against you. I don't want anyone thinking I'll be a pawn to be used for their political aspirations. And I don't see why anyone would want to dispose you. The kingdom seems to be doing well from what I've seen."

"Mm. It's fine. But I suspect some people enjoy the excitement of being part of history. Being the people who restored the rightful king? It appeals. After the war, quite a lot of people changed allegiance and you can't just get rid of them without setting yourself up for a world of trouble."

Thor considered that, trying to work out what he was really saying.

"Having me back and very clearly on side is part of the bloodless repression, then?"

"If you want to put it like that. I was thinking of making you my... advisor. Vizier. Something, anyway, something important."

It didn't quite seem right yet. Thor wasn't sure about being back in court long-term. But then again, what choice did he have?

"I'd rather earn that role than be given it because of who my parents happened to be."

They took a few more steps in silence, Loki clearly building some kind of clever reasoning why he already had, but then Thor spotted something in the undergrowth, holding out a hand to Loki's chest.

"Are those tracks or am I seeing things?"

Loki followed where he was pointing, slightly off the path, faint scratches in the softer earth.

"You'll be better at identifying them than I will be," he said.

It was difficult to say. Wolves had a fairly obvious gait, their hind legs stepping into their own footprints, but it was a lot easier to tell in snow or mud. Summer heat had turned much of the forest floor to dust, the tracks scuffed and unclear.

The length of the stride, though... Bigger than most, which made sense.

"Well?" Loki asked.

"I say we follow them," Thor said. "Give me a moment to fetch my pistols from the packs."

"That close?"

"Well... Better to be safe."


	15. Fathers and Sons

They tracked the beast as best they could for much of the day, sometimes losing the trail and having to double back, only stopping for lunch well into the afternoon if the sun's position in the sky was anything to judge from.

"I think we should stop now," Loki said. "Pitch camp."

Thor looked across at him in surprise.

"There's hours of daylight left."

"But we're getting close to where it lives and it'll probably be waking up soon. I think we should rest and track it down tomorrow."

"But... But you don't know that. It could be days away for all we know."

"I have a feeling."

Thor scoffed, eager to press on.

"Is that feeling fear by any chance?" he asked.

"Am I scared of a deadly beast that has killed at least thirteen people? Of course I am. Aren't you?"

Well, when you put it like that...

"We're better prepared than most of them. And besides, remember that our survivor managed to fight it off with nothing more than a broom handle."

"She had a mother's drive to protect her children on her side."

Maybe there was something in that, Thor supposed.

And maybe Loki was right. Maybe they ought to try to camp somewhere that was not completely on top of the wolf's den.

He started gathering the biggest stones from the clearing in which they'd stopped, making a relatively smooth area for the tent and a circle of rocks for the fire.

"Speaking of children..." he said carefully. "You are going to need an heir at some point, unless you want to leave a big problem when you die."

Loki sighed, unwrapping the canvas.

"I know."

"What's your plan? If you're keen to have me back, I mean."

An awful pause, a heaviness in the air.

"There's never been anyone else, you know," Loki said. "Not all these years."

"No. Not for me either. I never met anyone who I wanted to... be with. But if you and I are... If we start again and you're looking for a wife..."

"I hoped that you would understand. It wouldn't mean anything."

"I know. That's more what I'm worried about."

The pegs clattered onto the ground.

"What are you talking about?" Loki asked.

"Just that it seems a bit unfair on her, doesn't it? Married to a man who sees her as purely the receptacle for his child? No love, no... affection?"

"She'll be the most powerful woman in the land! Besides, no one really expects royal marriages to be based on love. It's all politics. My parents and yours were just the same."

"That's very sad."

"It's reality. And once we have a son, she can fuck whoever she likes, quite frankly."

"And what if she has more children? Ones that clearly aren't yours?"

"Then I'll give them land and titles and marry them off to foreign lands. Be good to get some fresh blood among some of the old houses. No offence."

"None taken. Just wondering when you plan to let the lucky woman know what her marriage will be like."

Loki huffed and glared at him, even as he helped unfold the tent.

"I'm sure her mother will have prepared her. Besides, I'd... I'd like it if you liked her. I trust your judgement."

That was almost a compliment, Thor supposed.

"Well, she'll have to be intelligent," he said. "Witty, you know."

"Why?"

"Because she'll be sitting next to you at every meal for the rest of your lives and it might be nice if you were able to have a conversation."

"You'll be on my other side."

Thor still wasn't so sure about that, but he'd humour him for now.

"Fine, then it will be nice for me to be able to chat to her too."

Loki laughed, shaking his head.

"Conspiring against me, more like," he said.

Given the recent revelation about his parentage, something about that made Thor just a little concerned.

"Don't," he said. "Don't joke about that."

He wasn't sure if Loki really understood why he didn't like even the suggestion.

It was a strange evening. Thor felt... peculiar. Despite never knowing Roland or his wife, they had always been his parents.

He couldn't help thinking about everything he'd ever known of Odin. The... The negative stuff.

"Do you think he was a tyrant, really?" he found himself asking.

"Who?"

"Odin."

"Maybe. He certainly wasn't afraid to go to war, was he? That was his downfall. Overstretched his army. You've read the history, you know what happens."

"I know. I just... You know, it's worrying. It's unpleasant to think you're descended from someone who wasn't a good person."

"I'm sure he did his best. And look at it this way - there are still people out there who are loyal to him. Or at least disloyal to me and my father. Whichever. You can't have a civil war without enough people believing in both sides."

"That doesn't mean they were right to believe in him. Maybe they were just afraid of change."

He was cooking, as usual. He just seemed to fall more naturally into that role.

"I don't understand why you're concerned about it," Loki said. "It's history. He's dead. You don't want the throne anyway. Why does it matter what kind of man he was?"

"It's like you and royalty. I don't like the idea of carrying an unpleasant nature around in my veins."

"You're your own man, Thor. Always have been. Even when you were mine. It's one of many things I value in you. And besides, it's not like I'm much like my father either."

That was true, Thor supposed. Laufey wasn't exactly... jovial or fun. Maybe he had been in his youth, but if so it had been almost undetectable by the time Thor remembered him.

"Would you have taken in your enemy's child?" Thor asked. "If you were in that situation?"

Loki seemed to genuinely consider it.

"Maybe. It's shrewd, to keep them under your nose. But maybe I'd had sent them away. Anonymous and far from anyone who might guess their true identity. Or I might have had them killed."

"A child?"

"Why not? What's so special about children?"

Thor was staring at him across the fire, but he could see the slight twitch in Loki's lip, the little tell that he was being deliberately contrary.

"You don't mean that," he said. "You wouldn't."

"I might."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because killing them would be much, much too easy. You'd like the danger of having them nearby, a little slight risk. You like being smarter than the universe, unwitting it. I think you would take them in, just to know you'd managed to conceal the truth from almost everyone. The same thing your father would do, but for different reasons."

And then it was Loki's turn to look at him, all raised eyebrows and blinking.

"Well," he said eventually. "I can't exactly fault your reasoning."


	16. Midnight

Thor was usually a fairly heavy sleeper. In his own bed, he'd spread eagle and take up all space. Even in the tent, he was probably occupying more then his fair share.

Therefore, he was a little surprised to wake up and realise he'd managed to roll over and flop out completely because Loki was not there. And it was still dark.

He held his breath for a moment, listening. Maybe he'd just slipped out to piss or something...

Nothing. No rustling, no sounds at all.

Shit.

Tugging on his coat, Thor crawled out of the tent into the still night air, turning slowly around. Where the hell was he? Where would he have gone?

"Loki?" he whispered.

Nothing. No response, no indication at all.

Was that something out in the darkness?

He hesitated and hated that he did, feeling very cowardly. What if something had happened to him? What if he needed help?

Right. He'd need a way to find his way back, picking up a hefty stick to drag through the soil behind him, just to tell where he'd been, and set off into the darkness.

It was slow going in the dark, stopping often to strain his ears, trying to catch a footstep or breathing or something.

Forests were strange at night. All shapes and shadows, nothing looking as it usually did. Thor crept through it, almost screaming when a fox darted past him, having to stop and resteel himself.

He was heading towards the river. Maybe that was where Loki was, maybe he'd been unbearably thirsty and had got lost. He'd just find him and they'd go back to the tent and everything would be fine.

The sound of the water was strange, almost like whispers on the breeze, like the sound of fabric sliding. And there'd be fewer trees down there, easier to see.

He told himself that, just trying to keep his spirits up. Trying not to imagine that anything bad might have happened to Loki like a twisted ankle or a fall or...

The river. It was eerily beautiful in the moonlight, like quicksilver flowing by, shining and somehow seeming to move and be still at the same time.

Very carefully, Thor looked both ways, straining his eyes for shadows or movement, any sign of Loki at all.

The dread arrived before his conscious mind realised what he was seeing, an ancient instinct, the same sensation as an ancestor would have felt upon seeing the great beasts of old.

There was an enormous wolf drinking at the river's edge, only a few hundred yards away. Huge and dark, a true monster. He'd never seen on so big before.

And he'd left his pistols back in the camp.

Backing away, afraid to turn, Thor began trying to silently escape, all his knowledge and experience telling him this was probably impossible. Motion was a risk and he was upwind of it, his unfamiliar scent already drifting down to it, only a matter of time before it noticed him.

He was almost back in the treeline when he saw it raise its head, even seeing drips of water fall from its muzzle like it was shedding diamonds, swinging round to face him.

Had he ever known fear like this? It was almost paralysing, freezing him to the spot even as parts of his brain screamed at him to run, finally managing to convince his legs to move.

The creature began padding towards him along the bank, not in a rush, like something dreadful and inevitable.

Thor scrambled to turn, into the trees, running, branches hitting his face and body, trying not to stumble and terrified, waiting for the growl that would signal his doom.

It didn't come. No sound at all warned him as the beast easily circled round him through the trees, cutting him off, hackles raised and teeth bared.

For the first time in his life, Thor knew he was probably about to die. Another victim, another death.

Well, he was going to go down fighting.

He raised his stick, like a staff, planting his feet and standing his ground.

The wolf watched him carefully for a few seconds, weighing things up.

And then it leapt.


	17. Facing

Thor managed to step around the first attack, more or less, the wolf landing beside him and turning immediately.

Thor swung the stick, missed, the wolf biting at it and almost pulling it out of his hands. It was strong, but lost interest quickly, turning its attention back to him.

It was terrifyingly silent. He could see it snarling, its mouth twisted and teeth shining, and yet it made no sound. Only Thor's own grunts and breathing echoed off the trees.

He managed to strike it across the nose, much good that it did him, another leap knocking him off-balance and tumbling into the undergrowth.

An instinctive motion, the staff in both hands to block his neck as the beast leapt upon him, jaws snapping shut only inches from his flesh, flecks of drool falling on his face as he struggled, trying to counter balance, trying to gain some respite, desperately striking upwards into the beast's throat.

He felt its claws on his chest, not piercing his skin quite yet but close to it, fearing the end but knowing he'd gone down fighting, maybe bought Loki some time, wherever he was.

The beast lunged forward, heavy and strong, trying to reach his throat and fighting against Thor's strength, crying out into the night as he battled to keep it back.

A slip, a roll, the wolf's teeth sinking into his shoulder. Thor howled in pain, struggling all the more, finally managing to dislodge it and scramble to his feet, swinging his stick wildly.

He hit it, he knew, hearing the impact and feeling it reverberate up his arm, knowing that truly the fight was over and he had lost but battling on anyway, facing down the wolf.

And then it seemed to spook. One second it was clearly judging another leap, the next turning, ears pricked up and running off into the woods. But why? What had happened? Had it heard something?

For a moment, Thor stood panting into the night, expecting it to return, and then it felt as though pain suddenly caught up with him.

Right... Right, how bad was it? He couldn't tell from the angle and in the dark, taking off his coat and bunching up his shirt to try to stem the bleeding, feeling it beneath his fingers, all warm and slightly sticky.

Back to camp... Got to get to a fire.

He'd never know how he got back. It certainly wasn't by using his line in the dirt. He couldn't see anything. But somehow, by some kind of luck or unconscious recognition, he managed to stumble back into the right clearing, finding the tent and the horse, snorting and pawing at the ground.

He needed fire...

It hurt to move his left arm too much, groaning as he had to reach into the pack to retrieve the flint and steel.

After four attempts, he finally managed to get a spark to catch, the remains of their embers crackling back into life. He fed it some more twigs, illuminating the clearing, setting shadows dancing among the trees.

Panting slightly, he pulled St Hubert's key over his head, laying it on one of the stones near the fire. It would need to get hot and then he'd...

Well, he'd need some way to pick it up without burning his fingers.

And he'd need something to bite on.

He felt almost as though this was happening to someone else. Like he was watching from far away. His own shaking breath was too loud, finding himself muttering prayers he'd half forgotten he knew.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee..."

His shoulder was still bleeding sluggishly, the blood looking black in the firelight, an uneven gash. He was trying to work out what the best way of doing it was, the most efficient, the least number of uses of the metal and therefore hopefully least amount of pain.

And there was going to be pain. He knew it. But even besides the risk of rabies, he wanted to cauterize his wound, try to stop it bleeding.

Could he do it in one motion? Quickly move it around the wound, seal it up?

A piece of wood. He could bite on that. And the metal would be hot now.

Right... Right.

He used his sleeve to hold the very end of the nail, feeling the heat from it, bracing himself as best he could.

And then he brough it to his flesh...

It was agony. He couldn't help but scream, even the muffled sound frightening the horse, realising he could smell meat cooking and knowing it was himself, his own body searing.

"What are you doing? Thor!"

Loki stumbled into view, openly horrified.

"Water," Thor grunted, spitting out his wood. "Pour water over it."

It didn't help. His flesh was still screaming, burning, knowing he was letting out horrible sounds of pain but unable to help it.

"The river," Loki said. "You need running water. Come on."

Sooner or later, Thor might be able to think, to realise that he had a lot of questions - where had Loki been? What if the beast returned? - but for the moment all he could think of was how much everything hurt.

A more direct route, Loki helping him, easing him into the freezing cold water.

He had to practically lie in the river to submerge it properly. And gradually, it helped; his hands and feet beginning to go numb but at least that meant he wasn't seeing sparks of pain behind his eyes or tasting his own blood anymore.

"What happened?" Loki asked from the bank.

"It got me," Thor said. "Bit my shoulder. I needed to protect myself."

"For God's sake, Thor, it doesn't have rabies!"

"How do you know?"

A pause, Thor's stomach clenching horribly.

"I just do."

No, no, no. There was something going on here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, Thor.


	18. Revelations

"What do you mean, you _just know_?"

He couldn't see terribly well in the darkness, but he'd seen Loki looking shifty enough times to know exactly what he was doing. Squirming a little, trying to make the lie seem natural.

"Well, it's been going on too long, hasn't it? It would have died already if it was infected."

"No," Thor said. "No, you've seen it, haven't you? What were you doing in the forest in the middle of the night anyway?"

An awful suspicion was beginning to form in his mind, though he couldn't quite work it out, couldn't quite get hold of it. Just that Loki knew more than he was letting on about this beast.

"Loki," he said, sitting up awkwardly, wondering if his skin was soothed yet. "Please, just tell me the truth."

A pause and then a rush of speech.

"It wasn't supposed to go this far."

Thor groaned internally. Oh, Loki, Loki... What had you gotten yourself into?

"Tell me everything."

Loki sighed, a little damply, sniffing hard.

"I can't," he said. "You'll hate me. You really will."

"I'm sure it's not that bad."

"It is."

Thor got up, wading his way to the edge of the river, shivering in the chill air.

"We're going to go back to the fire," he said. "And get out the blanket from the tent. I need to warm up. And then you'll tell me everything."

"Do you promise not to hate me?"

What a question.

"If that's what it takes for you to tell me, then yes. I promise. Come on, I'm freezing."

He was exhausted too, and shaky. The shock was beginning to make itself known now.

He'd fought off a monster, and had to cauterize his own wound. When they finally stumbled back to the still glowing fire, he found his St Hubert's key on the ground, putting it on even though just the brush of string against his burn made him groan. He'd need some kind of bandage. Had they brought bandages? Had they thought of that?

The horse seemed to have calmed down, at least, happy for Thor to stroke her nose before rummaging through the pack for something to protect himself with, Loki fetching the blanket and stirring up the fire.

"Let me do that for you."

"I can manage," Thor said.

"I want to."

He relented, handing the muslin over and sitting down, letting himself be bundled up, trying his best not to hiss when it stung.

"Oh, Thor..." Loki said. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"I'll live. I just need to warm up."

He took off his soaked trousers and they huddled under the blanket together, sitting by the fire. It helped, with the chill at least. Not with the anxiety.

"Go on, then," Thor said. "Tell me. And I promise not to hate you."

Loki sighed. He'd deliberately sat on Thor's uninjured side, leaning on him. Like he always used to after a bad day. If Laufey had been harsh on him, if there'd been something else that upset him.

"The beast... is mine," he said. "I own it. I bred it, deliberately, as a weapon. I was out in the forest trying to find it, to kill it myself. Her, really. She's female."

Thor stared into the fire, seeing pictures in the flames. He didn't understand yet.

"Why doesn't she make any noise?"

A sigh.

"The puppies were all huge. Fierce. But I wanted the fiercest one of the litter. I let them... fight. To the death. She won, but one of her siblings almost killed her. It damaged her throat, her voice box. Which was good for me, in the long run."

He didn't want to ask, but he had to.

"How?"

"Well, if you want to hide an enormous creature, it's much easier when it can't bark."

"No, I meant... I meant how did you breed her? And why? What do you mean, as a weapon?"

"It took about eighteen months to capture the right animals. She's mostly wolf with a little dog mixed in to make her more obedient. All the same, when she cares to, she obeys me and me only. Which was deliberate. I wanted a creature that would attack and spare on my command. Loyal and dangerous."

Thor felt something awful roll through him. He wished he didn't feel kinship with the beast. He wished he wasn't acutely aware that once he had been Loki's creature, would have done anything for him. Loyal and dangerous, indeed.

"Why would you need such a thing?"

"Because I needed certain people dead. I needed fear. I needed to thwart the planned rebellion. Lady Gementi was the head of the conspiracy and I couldn't very well just murder her. Much too obvious. And so I bred a beast to kill her. She thought she'd found a monster to dethrone me and so I made a monster to destroy her."

But...

"But the other victims? Those innocent people. Children!"

Loki was quiet for a while. Too long, really.

"Wolves are very intelligent," he said eventually. "It wasn't supposed to happen but she... escaped. And she's not prepared for life in the wild. She has no natural fear of humans."

Thor closed his eyes, his heart aching.

"It was your fault," he said quietly. "You created the scourge on your own land."

"It was never supposed to happen like this! It was supposed to be one death or maybe two. It was meant to look like a freak accident, an act of God, holy vengeance upon them for trying to usurp me. And then, as time went on, as the bodies mounted up, I realised that I could still turn it to my advantage. I could use it as an excuse to bring you back."

Somewhere along the line, Thor had gone a little numb. Too much had happened. His brain had decided that he couldn't feel anything else for a while.

"Anyway, I managed to recapture her, eventually. She came back to the palace, attacked the guard and I managed to restrain her in an old hunting lodge. And then I sent for you and started planning how I was going to go about this."

It was a mad plan. And yet, he'd probably have gotten away with it. Lady Gementi's death was one of a long line now, nothing that could be traced to the king.

It was difficult to tell if it was genius or...

"So, what, you had it kill her and then released it into the woods to be hunted down?"

"That's the long and the short of it, yes."

He blinked at the fire for a little while.

"That's very cruel. The poor thing will be terrified."

He felt Loki move, clearly staring at him incredulously.

"Well, I can hardly let her run riot. She almost killed you - what chance has a grandmother or a young boy got against her?"

He was right, probably, but it still didn't sit right with him.

"Couldn't we... cage it?"

"She's very intelligent. She'll get out. Besides, if you want to talk about cruelty, keeping a beast like that in a small space..."

Everything about this was awful. Thor knew it would hit him eventually, but for now...

"I'm exhausted," he said. "Let me sleep on it. We can decide what to do in the morning."

Loki didn't question him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surpriiiiise! It was never a werewolf story at all. I have felt genuinely bad seeing some of the worries in the comments, but that meant the reveal would still be unexpected.


	19. Mistrust

How long did he sleep? Thor wasn't sure. It felt like a long, long time. And it was hunger that woke him more than anything. That and the pain.

His shoulder throbbed, hot and painful, moving even just to roll over, pull on some clothes and crawl out of the tent extremely difficult.

How was Loki up already? No wonder he was always so tired if he was trying to hunt the beast himself in the night...

"I've made breakfast," Loki said softly, almost timid.

"Thank you."

At least food was still wonderful. The ache couldn't take that away from him.

Loki seemed nervous, fussing, unsure of himself. Thor watched as he got up and sat down and got up again and packed things and re-packed them.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" Thor asked.

Loki sighed, rolling his shoulders.

"Not that I can think if immediately, no."

"No... I don't know, secret children hiding out there?"

"It would be equally surprising to me if I did."

Thor nodded vaguely, chewing his buttered bread. It was maybe getting a little bit stale, but that butter was so creamy...

He was deliberately focussing on anything other than thinking about what they were going to have to decide on.

"Can you summon it?" he found himself asking. "Your wolf?"

"She doesn't always obey, but I can try."

"How?"

Loki hesitated for just a second and then opened some kind of concealed pocket in one of the bags, revealing what looked like an extremely narrow flute.

"It plays a note too high for humans to hear," he said. "But she can. And I would play it whenever I fed her. Made her associate it with good things, with food and attention."

And maybe that was what had been bothering Thor in the back of his mind. This was a big secret to hide. How had he managed it, all by himself?

"Where did you get it from?" he asked.

Loki looked up at him and he could see it, he could see that he was trying to hide something.

"Loki..."

"Benjamin Trajet, alright? I employed him to help keep the beast, to keep her hidden and to get me useful things like this in secret. Not that he turned out to be any good at his job..."

"Trajet? The dead guard?"

"Yes."

Oh, no...

"And was his death an accident? The only man who knew that you had created the monster in the forest..."

"What exactly are you implying?"

"I'm implying that it seems very convenient for you that your sole witness is dead."

A huff, folded arms.

"It was. I swear. I had found her, stalking the edge of the woods, I had managed to get a leash upon her and I was trying to take her back to the hunting lodge. But she must have caught his scent or something, became restless, slipped from me and killed him. Perhaps he was cruel to her and she wanted revenge. I don't know."

That might make sense. If he had hurt her, trying to make her vicious...

Well, he'd succeeded.

"I don't like this," Thor said.

"No, nor do I, but the fact remains that there is a dangerous animal in these woods and we have to do something about it. She can't just roam around or more people will die. You know that."

He didn't want to. It sounded ridiculous, but he just didn't want to.

"And there's absolutely no way we can contain her? We couldn't... build some kind of enclosure? Even if you want the glory of killing the beast, surely conquering nature and managing to control it and all that would be just as impressive."

"She'd escape."

"An island, then?"

"She'd escape, Thor! She'd swim across any lake or river. Why are you so against this?"

Why was he so against it?

"Because it's not her fault! She can't help the way she is!"

"Which is exactly the problem! We can't train her, we can't change how she is. She'll never be tame. She'll never be safe around people - she's not a dog. She probably couldn't even live among her own kind. There's nothing else we can do."

Damn. Damn it all.

Maybe he was right.


	20. Kinship

Perhaps he was just putting it off, or perhaps not, but Thor really didn't feel up to leaving the camp. His left arm felt very heavy, trying to use the muscles of his shoulder acutely painful. And it was amazing how many motions that involved.

He ended up dragging their bed rolls outside and lying on them, trying to keep as still as possible, gazing up at the clouds floating by overhead.

But that did mean he was forced to think about things. And Loki was cross with him, stalking off to refill their water skins, letting him stew in his thoughts.

He ought to be less emotional about the whole thing. The beast had almost killed him, after all. She was incredibly dangerous and the risk was much too great. He couldn't help feeling sorry for her though, her terrible youth, her strange life now.

Loki was right, though. She was much too dangerous to be allowed to roam, too intelligent to try to cage.

"I've worked it out," Loki said as he returned, emerging from the trees.

"Worked what out?"

"Why you're so uncomfortable about this. It's because you see yourself in her."

Thor scoffed, pretending that made no sense at all. Pretending he didn't kind of agree.

"It's like all that business about your father," Loki said, gazing down at him. "You want to be able to change her nature to prove that it can be done and that therefore you won't be like your parents. Which is ridiculous because it's a completely different situation."

Maybe that was part of it, but...

"It's more like I'm afraid that one day you'll get rid of me too," Thor murmured. "If I've outlived my usefulness."

Loki blinked at him once or twice and then carefully set the water skins down, straddling him where he lay on the ground. Gentle, but full of intent.

"Why would you say something like that?" he asked.

Thor shrugged, sharp darts of pain rushing through him.

"Because you've done it before."

Oh, that face... He had always been such a fool for it. The way Loki's lips parted, his eyes seemed enormous and with just a hint of tears shining in them.

"I banished you because I was afraid," Loki said. "Scared that you'd... I don't know. I wasn't thinking straight. I'd just lost my father, I was adjusting to being king, there were so many worries in my head and I had just learned that my dearest love was also something else..."

"I didn't know."

"And I didn't know how to tell you. I made a rash decision, alright? And I was wrong. And I was wrong to create the beast, and so now I am trying my best to fix my mistakes. I need you back. And I need to get rid of her."

Thor's hands moved automatically to his thighs, wondering if he was being irrational. After all, had he not wanted to be recalled so many times over the years? Wasn't this what he wanted? Honesty and truth, meeting each other once more with a little more maturity?

He sighed softly, feeling the tug of his heart back towards his first love but also the scars from where it had been broken.

"We do it cleanly," he said softly. "And we do it quick. As little fear and pain as we can. I won't have her limping off and bleeding to death."

Loki leant forward and kissed him, soft and delicate, taking care to avoid his left shoulder. Thor felt something that was almost like tears in his eyes, knowing that he would be haunted by this. And yet, if he let the creature live and another innocent person was killed - another child - then he would consider that blood to be on his hands.

"I'm afraid I'm not much use in my current state," he said, battling to keep his voice steady. "I might need to heal up a little. Do you think we have time?"

"Ideally not."

Hm. No. They knew roughly where she was now, approximately. They ought to... strike while they could before she moved on.

"Better that we do it than some farmer gets lucky with a pitch fork," Loki said.

Yes. And yet...

"Do you still plan to stuff her afterwards?" Thor asked.

"Would you mind?"

Thor tried not to be sentimental about it. After all, she'd be dead. It's not like she'd suffer at that stage. But all the same.

"If you do," he said. "And if you put her on display as a reminder of your protection of your people, just remember what she's really a reminder of."

Loki nodded, truly sorrowful as far as Thor could tell.

"I know. Mistakes. Bad choices."

Exactly.

Thor sighed.

"Alright. Help me up."


	21. Lack of Logic

Thor felt very blessed to be right-handed as his left was virtually useless. He'd never realised how much he used it until he couldn't so much.

He hated having to rely on Loki though. It felt wrong, backwards. He didn't want to ask for anything, preferring to struggle with his coat and his belt until Loki came and did it for him, wordless and efficient.

"We can probably leave the tent up," Thor said. "She's nearby. We shouldn't need to move far."

"I hope not. I want it done. Then we can start moving on."

That sounded very final. Thor was a little curious what exactly he meant.

Well, probably go back to the palace, set about trying to rebuild their relationship without a dangerous animal hanging over their head.

Which meant they were going to have to have a big think and probably a searching conversation about what exactly they wanted from one another. What they needed.

Sex was easy, in many ways. He was still very attracted to Loki, still practically tingling from having him sitting astride his thighs only a short time ago.

But the way Loki had described it was... different. He'd always assumed the teasing and demanding had been in jest, not something Loki took such meaning from. He felt somehow like it was simultaneously a privilege to be trusted with such a task and also a responsibility he had never asked for.

Those were complicated emotions to come to terms with.

"When did you first start using our affair to... deal with things?" he found himself asking, feeling deeply uncomfortable.

Loki sighed, kneeling and tightening his boots for him. He hadn't even noticed they were loose.

"It was just fun to start with. Fun and enjoyable and rebellious and you were... Well, you were you, looking how you did. I wanted you for a long, long time before I acted on it. And then... I started noticing how much better I felt afterwards, and not just for the obvious reasons. It was good to stop thinking. To let someone else be in charge, to know that you'd take care of me. And then when I found out who your father was and..."

"What?"

"Well, think about it. The son of Odin, arguably the rightful king, and my instinct had been to submit to you completely and utterly. You can surely understand the underlying impression."

Follow, yes. Understand, no.

"What, you think you had some kind of instinctive impulse towards me? That's ridiculous. We were young men, relatively isolated, each other's only confidantes. It's not strange to fall in love with someone you share so much with. And add in our physical attraction... Well, it was always going to happen. Our families have nothing to do with that."

"I realise that now, but at the time... I was irrational, I was dealing with my feelings about ascending to the throne and losing my father and I made a mistake. It's been... very difficult without you. I've not had anyone I can trust."

Hmm. That sounded familiar.

"Yes. I've felt... I've felt a bit like that too," Thor admitted.

"Well, add onto that an awareness that all of this is my own damn fault and maybe you can understand my state of mind. I need you. And not just for stress relief; it's deeper than that. That's why I want you to be my advisor, turn it into something more official. Your name next to mine, recorded through the centuries."

He really did think a lot about what people hundreds of years in the future were going to think of him. Thor struggled to make himself care too much. It wasn't like he'd be around to hear it.

"Do you object to it?" Loki asked. "The sexual aspect, I mean. Do you feel used or something?"

Thor considered that.

"Well, maybe I would have liked to know. I'd like to be more aware of what you want. It might make me better at it."

Like with everything, it would all be much simpler if Loki just talked to him.

But that would probably be too easy...


	22. Consideration

They walked for a long time, it seemed. At first, they followed Thor's trail down to the river, the line where he'd dragged his stick. He hadn't made a very good job of it, if he was honest. Probably too nervous to concentrate on it.

Still, eventually, they came to the river and Thor had to try to retrace his steps.

It was strange to turn his skills on himself, finding the snapped twigs, the scuffed footprints where he'd tried to run.

He really hadn't got very far. It had felt further at the time.

It was strange to come into a slightly clearer area and feel every hair on his body stand on end. This was the place. The place where he'd almost died.

He was almost feeling the sense of panic all over again, feeling his stomach dropping, a chill over his whole body.

"You alright?" Loki asked, helping pull him towards the present, the daylight.

"Of course."

"You don't look alright."

Well, no, because he wasn't, but he'd rather not say that. Too stubborn. Too proud.

In many ways, they shared that trait.

He was looking down at the crushed undergrowth, at the blood still spattered across the leaves and moss. His blood.

"Just... It was close, that's all. But it was here. This is where it got me."

He didn't hear Loki approaching, flinching when he felt a hand on his good shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "This wasn't meant to happen."

"I know. I'll be alright. I will."

If he said it out loud, it might turn out to be true.

"So what now?" Loki asked. "Do you think she'll come back here?"

"Not sure. She chased me here and then something... Scared her? I don't know. She ran away into the trees very suddenly."

Loki looked at him and then reached into his pack, pulling out his flute.

"I was trying but I didn't know she heard me," he said. "I didn't see her. Maybe she got distracted."

Thor went tense as he raised it to his lips, right hand hovering over his pistols, terrified.

The note was too high for him to hear, eerily silent to him and yet it could be summoning the beast right to them. No preparation.

Nothing. Not even any movement in the trees. Thor let his breath go in a long exhale.

He didn't often feel afraid. He was a large, imposing man, he knew that, and he tried his best not to be intimidating to other people where he could. But here, now, with the creature out there in the forest, he was terrified.

"She's probably sleeping," Loki said. "What do we do? Do we wait here?"

Thor tried to force his mind away from monsters leaping out of the darkness and back towards familiarity, towards hunting and how to do that.

"We could try to lure her here," he said. "Do we have any meat or anything?"

"We could catch something?"

"You'll have to do it, I think. I doubt I'll be much use. And then we lay it out here and... And wait."

Loki nodded, looking rather grim, drumming his fingers against the hilt of his sword.

"So she arrives and we shoot her?" he asked.

"Yes. But no silver bullets. Use lead."

"Why? What will it matter?"

"The density it all wrong. It won't fly true, it might not be a quick death. We can... plant one on the body afterwards if you want. For the look of the thing."

"Alright. Good idea. Stay put, I'll be back as soon as I can."

It was the best plan in case she returned and yet Thor was uneasy. It was this place, he told himself. It was being here again.

His shoulder throbbed dully, constant enough that he almost forgot about it until a little too much movement made a sharp burst of pain lance through him.

He settled down leaning against a tree, hoping there were no ants around, just trying to rest and be still and not think.

The sounds of the forest swirled around him as he completely failed at the not thinking part of this plan. The future was coming towards him fast and he had to decide what to do about that.

He should leave again. He knew he should leave. And yet...

And yet, when he examined his heart, he didn't want to. He wanted to stay and do his best to help. Clearly Loki wasn't making the most logical of decisions of late. He needed help and support. The kingdom needed him to have that.

And besides, despite it all, despite all the mistakes he'd made, Thor knew he still loved him. Always would, probably.

If banishment and inadvertently causing him the worst injury of his life wasn't enough to put him off, he was clearly lost.

Alright, so he'd stay. But there would have to be some changes. More open discussions. More talking. Less hiding.

A faint and pleasant breeze floated through the trees, leaves rustling all around him like a thousand tiny secret whispers, the air warm but fresh and dappled sunlight sneaking through the canopy to fall on his legs.

He must have dozed because the next thing he knew, he was being woken up.

By a scream.


	23. Fear

Thor moved without thinking, his shoulder shrieking at him so harshly that he saw stars in front of his eyes and tasted blood in the back of his throat.

But that had been Loki screaming. And that meant he was in trouble.

And that sent a horror through Thor that he couldn't bear, a horrible, sick feeling that made him feel pain from a strange distance, delayed and dulled as he began racing through the trees towards the noises.

Because they were continuing, he could hear them, the distinct sounds of Loki grunting with effort and shouting.

"Thor!" he was yelling "Thor!"

A response formed in Thor's mouth but didn't escape. He was pouring all of his energy into running, into getting there.

His pistol was in his right hand before he realised he'd reached for it, stumbling down a bank and scrambling up the other side until he burst through some trees and came upon a scene of carnage.

Loki was standing with his back to a tree, panting for air, his clothes ripped and blood on his face. He was holding his sword in both hands, the blade stained crimson.

The beast leapt at him, her fur already streaked red, her own blood, seemingly uncaring. Maybe the sword was so sharp that she barely felt it...

This was far from the dignified death Thor had imagined. This was the worst betrayal; her master, her maker turning against her.

No wonder she was going for the kill.

Loki grunted, trying to get a strong blow, but barely managing to glance his sword off her, holding her at bay but only just.

Thor raised his pistol, strangely calm. Deep breaths.

There was no way he'd manage it. She was too fast, moving too much, and Loki was too close... Too much of a risk...

And so he yelled.

"Hey! Hey, over here!"

Loki looked up at him, eyes full of fear, a scratch across one cheek, his mouth open in fear as the wolf turned, jaws snapping and panting with effort, beginning to stalk towards him.

"Thor..." Loki said uncertainly.

"It's alright. I know what I'm doing."

He said that. He wasn't completely convinced himself. But he was filled with something that wasn't courage, much more like panic but somehow steadier.

He just had to protect Loki. It was what he did. What he'd always been drawn to do.

He watched the beast moving towards him, sizing him up, teeth bared.

She leapt.

And Thor fired.

The shot rang out among the trees, followed by an awful silence, her leap cut short with a horrible jolt, the beast falling to the ground instantly.

For a second, Thor simply stood in shock and then he realised that he could still see movement.

"She's not dead," he said. "Loki, she's not dead..."

Despite himself, he rushed to the creature's side, stroking her neck, tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry, it wasn't supposed to be like this."

Could she understand him? Probably not. Her strange brown eyes rolled towards him, a half-hearted snarl around her muzzle, too hurt to do anything more but so clearly suffering...

"Thor," Loki said behind him. "Move."

It was the right thing to do. She was in pain. She wouldn't survive.

Thor's heart still ached as Loki carefully ran her through, a final breath shuddering out of her body.

He wept. He wept for every poor, stupid creature that lived and died and didn't know why, that never asked to be made and that knew the world for only a short and brutal time. He wept for the victims, the innocents attacked at random by a wolf that had no idea how to be one.

He even wept for Loki, who had made so many mistakes but never wanted any of this.

"Thor?"

He held up a hand, not ready yet. He'd learned the hard way that emotions had to run their course.

"Thor, I think we should go back to the tent."

Loki's voice was shaking. The shock would set in soon. He was right, they needed to retreat to familiarity. Somewhere they felt safe.

With no small degree of effort, Thor hauled himself to his feet.

"Help me lift her," he said. "I can carry her once she's on my shoulder."

Loki hesitated.

"Are you sure?"

A long sigh.

"The people need to see her," he said, slightly numb. "They need to know that they're safe."

He expected Loki to argue, but he didn't. Between the two of them, they managed to pick her up, slung over Thor's good arm. She was still warm, blood soaking through his clothes as they walked.

"What happened?" he found himself asking, reality finally beginning to dawn on him.

"She surprised me. Came out of the trees before I'd even noticed her. And I thought... I thought I could just do it, quick and clean, spare you having to deal with it. And I missed. So she turned on me."

He'd managed to stem the bleeding on his face using a piece of his turn shirt. It was going to scar though. A permanent reminder.

"I could have lost you," Thor murmured.

"And I could have lost you. Twice."

Even though it hurt, Thor reached out with his left hand to take Loki's. He needed that touch, he needed something solid. They were here, battered and hurt, but alive.

And there was a lot to be said for that.


	24. Rest

The camp almost seemed like a dream, like a paradise of safety where nothing could harm them. Thor laid the beast's corpse down as gently as he could, trying to give her some dignity.

"I have a bag," Loki said.

"A what?"

"A bag to carry her in. And to protect from scavengers and the like during the night."

Probably a good idea. It was more of a sheet really and Thor found himself uncomfortably reminded of funeral shrouds as they carefully folded her into it.

The pain was starting to make itself known now. He'd moved around too much, his shoulder aching, exhausted too despite sleeping for much of the day. And Loki didn't look much better, flopping down by the fire pit, his face still stained with blood though at least the fresh bleeding seemed to have stopped.

"Hang on," Thor said, managing to get some bandage cloth out of the packs. "Let me."

Loki sat obediently still, allowing Thor to gently wipe him clean, being particularly careful around the edge of his wound.

"Well, at least no one will be able to say it was too easy," Loki said.

"No," Thor said, dabbing lightly at his cheek. "No, it wasn't."

A little pause, Loki clearly wrestling with something burning the end of his tongue.

"So what now?" he asked.

"We eat something, we go to bed, get up tomorrow and go home."

Loki looked at him, pressing his lips together.

"Do you mean that? Is the palace home for you still?"

Always taking words so seriously, always overthinking everything.

"Moreso than anywhere else has ever been," he said.

"So... So you'll stay?"

The look of hope in his eyes made him melt.

"Of course. Someone needs to keep an eye on you for one thing. So it might as well be someone who..."

"You don't have to say it. I know. And I know it's more than that too, or different at least, more complex and strange."

"Yeah, well... You're a complex and strange person. It's fitting."

The little smile, the faint blush on his cheeks, even visible through the swelling and bruising.

"Don't act like you're simple, Thor. I've spent most of my life trying to work you out. Why you're a good man, why you'd want to be with me, given that fact."

"Because you're better than you think you are. You just need to be reminded sometimes. And I like being able to remind you."

He didn't mention his intense protective streak. Loki either knew and politely didn't mention it, or he didn't know and Thor had no intention of insulting him by implying anything like that, even if he did feel it.

They ate most of the rest of their supplies. Anything they didn't eat would just have to be carried home. And though Loki was clearly in some discomfort while chewing, he was also ravenous.

Maybe everything tasted better when you'd almost died. Maybe he was celebrating the end of so many of his troubles.

Thor was just exhausted. Despite sleeping half the day, he could feel his eyelids drooping before the sun even set, the pull of rest.

"Our last night in the forest," Loki said, startling him awake.

"Mm. Proper beds tomorrow."

"True. But also this is one of the few times we get to be ourselves, isn't it? I mean... Just you and I, not... kings or nobles or anything."

Thor was too tired for these games.

"We're always ourselves around each other," he murmured. "More or less. More than with other people anyway..."

"Still. There's no one here. No need to hide or worry."

Thor looked at him, tired, but at the same time, he knew what he was getting at. The forest was a magical place. Dangerous and terrible, beautiful and wondrous.

"Well, you'll have to do all the work," he said. "I don't think I can bear to do much more than lie flat."

Loki smiled at him, the new scar slanting upwards.

"You've always looked after me," he said. "It's only fair that I look after you."


	25. Comfort

Being looked after. Well, you could call it that, perhaps. Thor certainly felt very cared for, Loki carefully undoing his clothes, checking his bandages, kissing his was down his uninjured side all the way down to his cock.

The way he hissed in pain when he tried to wrap his lips around it rather spoiled the mood though.

"I don't think you'll be doing that for a while," Thor mumbled.

"Shame. I've rather missed it. But you're right."

He used his hand instead, those strong, practised strokes, squeezing just enough for Thor to sigh, his heart rate slowly increasing, little by little.

It was teasing really, trying to get a reaction. Thor deliberately held back as best he could, not that that was terribly successful. He suddenly realised he could hear some heavy breathing and then recognised that it was him.

"Hang on," Loki said, uncorking the bottle of oil and reaching behind himself. Thor couldn't see, but he trusted that for once he was using a reasonable amount.

The sensation of Loki sinking down upon him certainly seemed to confirm it. Everything was so slick, barely any resistance at all, both of them letting out quiet sighs.

"To think I gave this up," Loki said, swivelling his hips, eyes closed. "What a fool."

Thor rubbed his thigh, enjoying the sensation of muscles moving beneath his hands. Any other time, he'd make a comment about surely having more to recommend him than just his cock, but, well, he was in no mood for even playful fighting.

He tried to plant his shoulders to thrust upwards, but it made one of his muscles complain, forced to just lie still and let Loki take complete control.

The rhythm he set was very slow, very careful. Maddeningly so. And Thor was completely at his mercy, having to really feel every motion, every clench of his body.

Even that was almost overwhelming though. He was acutely aware of everything, of the warmth of Loki's flesh, the weight of him, the changes in pressure as he moved.

Thor reached for his hand, pulling him down and closer, suddenly needing to kiss him, to taste his lips, to feel that sense of being together.

Loki sighed happily, rolling his hips a little harder, biting his lower lip.

"I do love you, you know," he murmured. "Always have."

He knew. And he felt the same. Despite it all.

Which slightly made him worry about what exactly Loki would have to do for him to feel differently, but he couldn't interrogate that right now. He needed closeness, reassurance...

Planting both hands on Thor's right shoulder, Loki started using him as leverage, speeding up, panting with the effort. His breath was edged with moans, just a little, something that drove Thor wild.

He'd always loved that sound, knowing that he was able to draw it from him, he could make him feel that good.

Glad that his right arm was still functional, he wrapped his hand around Loki's cock, making him gasp but letting him use his whole body for motion, muttering out little pleas for more almost like he didn't realise he was talking.

Thor knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He'd been building up too long. But he wanted Loki to spill first, wanted all of that sensation to wash over him.

Worries could wait for the morning.

That hitch of breath, the jolt, so, so familiar as he felt Loki shudder and clench around him, pulling him gently over the edge, the two of them panting softly at each other in the ensuing peace.

Thor wished he could hold him properly, but maybe having an arm wrapped around him would do.


	26. Return

The palace loomed up in front of them like seeing the shore from a distant ship. Thor wasn't sure how he was feeling to see it. It was home in many ways, but everything was so different now. His relief was all mixed up with other things, with apprehension and worry.

He saw the moment when their return was spotted, Loki's standard being raised in welcome.

People came down to great them, Loki calmly ordering two baths to be drawn and word to be given of an announcement in the afternoon.

"There is a parcel on the horse," he said to the head of the guard, slightly stilted. "It is the beast. Do not unwrap it yet."

Thor followed him inside, trying not to be too embarrassed by the smiles and congratulations being offered. He didn't feel like he'd done anything to deserve it.

He'd done what needed to be done, but that didn't mean he had to like it. He wasn't proud of it.

"I'd invite you to my chambers," Loki said. "But perhaps not right now."

"No, of course. I'll see you presently."

He really wanted to be out of these clothes, but he waited until he was alone with his bath before setting about peeling them off, the steaming water so inviting.

Oh, his muscles ached... Even just sitting in it felt amazing, so much of the last few days finally releasing. The relief was incredible, so many twinges washing away.

Of course, he now had a dozen other things to worry about. The future. How he and Loki were going to try to regrow their relationship. Helping him find a wife...

He washed his hair, properly, with soap, even though it was a little difficult with only one hand. Still, by the time he was wrestling his way into a clean tunic, he felt a lot better. A lot more human.

A knock at his door, the summon down to the great hall. Loki was waiting for him, dressed in his finery, his hair neatly tied back beneath his crown, his scar looking much better now. It was still evident, but it had already scabbed over, beginning to heal.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"I suppose so. As much as I ever will be, I think."

They entered the hall to fanfare and cheering, stamping of feet, Loki smiling and waving. This was his victory, his proof of his rule. And no one realised that he'd been the architect of the whole thing.

He raised his arms, silence falling. They were all waiting to hear what he would say. Waiting for the good news. Hanging on his every word.

"My friends," he said. "I'm very happy to announce that our hunt was successful."

More cheers. Relief. The monster slain, the people safe.

"We are not completely unscathed, as you can see. Lord Thor saved me from the creature and shot it dead, but in so doing suffered a great wound. I trust you will all pray for his swift recovery. But in the meantime, let me reveal the creature as proof."

He nodded and the head of the guard carefully undid the cloth and stood aside to gasps.

Thor felt a little uneasy. She was still covered in blood, dried to a horrible brown colour, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. She really was frightening, even in death. And still he felt sorry for her. A victim of a cruel world.

Another nod and she was covered over, picked up and carried out. Loki sat down, Thor by his side. Like always. Where he'd always been. Always would be, probably.

Soup arrived, carefully placed in front of him by practised hands.

"So what now?" he asked.

"Well, you'll have to be brought up to speed with all the coming and going since you've been away."

"Well, yes, but I really meant how are we going to go forward? You've got your public glory but we need to think about behind the scenes. There's been a crisis and now we need to move on, but the feelings that led to potential unrest won't just have vanished."

Loki nodded, slightly distracted.

"Shall we have a night or two before delving into all that? I'll be much more prepared after a good night's sleep."

Thor relented. That probably made sense.

"It will take a while for me to catch up anyway," he said.

More food kept coming, beautiful as always, the two of them clearly more hungry than they'd realised. And people were... happy. They had no idea what had happened, really happened.

Was it better to leave them in ignorance? It was kinder, perhaps. It certainly wouldn't do anyone any good to let them know exactly how much had gone wrong and how much of it was Loki's fault.

But they had to go forward in a better way. That was his priority.

Funny that he'd spent most of his life trying to protect Loki and never realised that the main risk might just be Loki himself.


	27. Resolve

It took a while for Thor to feel he completely understood everything that happened in the kingdom. Ruling, as he had always suspected, was a lot of work. Reports seemed to arrive constantly, a never-ending balancing act, trying to be sympathetic to all voices, or at least appear so.

Some of the other lords were rather implacable, in Thor's opinion. Nothing was ever good enough for them. Their letters were always curt, their visits full of smiles that never quite reached their eyes.

They had a shelf built high on one of the walls of the great hall. One that could take plenty of weight. And one day, Thor walked in to find the beast herself gazing down at him.

The taxidermist had done a very good job. That snarl looked almost like he remembered it, the pose very natural. Like she was about to spring down upon anyone unwary and eat them alive.

He didn't like it, but he'd get used to it. And he couldn't deny how effective it was. The way people would enter the room, startle slightly and swallow hard before turning their attention to Loki was a little bit gratifying. Their gazes would drift towards his scar, and Thor was convinced most of them were reflecting carefully on what exactly they were saying. Quiet intimidation. Nothing heavy-handed.

Thor had a chair by Loki's right side, an ordinary one. There was a throne on his left, ready for the future queen, not that Loki seemed particularly keen to fill it just yet. Biding his time, perhaps. Or waiting for Thor's opinion.

Well, his opinion was that most of the ladies of court were perfectly fine. There were some he considered sly or unnecessarily prone to rumours. Although when he voiced this concern, Loki pointed out that knowing all the rumours was potentially a useful thing, an asset.

Still, he'd prefer someone good-hearted and honest to be the one with her name linked to Loki's as his spouse.

After several months, a strange feeling stole over him. He suddenly realised that he was comfortable. He felt at home. He knew what he was doing, he - crucially - knew what Loki was doing. He knew where money came in, where it went out, where there was unrest, where there was calm.

It felt good, being aware. An illusion of control, of course; you could never predict every possible eventuality, but you could keep an eye on things.

But he was happy. He was getting to know Loki again, properly, as adults, and he was as witty and intelligent as ever and he'd lost some of his insecurity. Some of it. He was still needy and desperate for love and affection.

And that was clearly the mood he was in on the evening Thor first realised he was genuinely comfortable being back.

"What are you thinking about?" Loki asked, glass in hand but not making any real effort to drink. It was more to draw attention to the curve of his wrist, the elegance of his fingers, and being aware of this didn't make Thor any less hopeless in the face of it.

"Oh, you know," Thor said. "I'm just thinking about ruling. I don't think I really understood it until now. It's not about making decisions and that's it. It's about making the hard choices, taking the blame, trying to keep people happy and alive. Makes me wonder why my father did the things he did. Why he entered into wars as often as he did."

"Well... Maybe he thought that was the best choice. Maybe he genuinely thought it was the quickest way to fix problems. And he led from the front. I imagine centuries from now, he'll be remembered as perhaps misguided but not cruel as such."

"I'd rather not be remembered at all than be remembered like that."

Loki smiled at him, the candlelight flickering, dancing on his skin.

"I expect they'll remember you as you are," he said. "As a good man."

Simple words, but they meant a lot.

"Anyway," Loki said. "Care to join me in my chambers for a night cap?"

Somehow Thor suspected they wouldn't be drinking much.


	28. Wants and Needs

Sometimes Thor wondered if anyone suspected there was more to the evenings he spent in Loki's chambers. Unlikely. They probably just thought they were discussing things. Kingdom stuff. The usual.

No one else saw the way Loki changed when that door was closed, the way he slumped his shoulders, finally letting go of some of the tension from his body.

Thor approached him carefully, undoing the ties on his clothes for him, removing each item of clothing one by one, folding them and setting them neatly aside until he was completely naked. He could see the faint tremble in Loki's body, laying a hand firmly on the side of his neck, getting a little gasp and sigh.

"I'm here," he murmured. "I've got you."

He felt Loki sway towards him, breathing deeply, letting himself be pulled gently into kisses.

Of course, he liked things to be rough, but Thor was in control. They'd get to that when he was ready.

"Mm... Thor..."

"I know. I've got you."

"I need it."

"Hush."

He laid a finger over Loki's lips, knowing he'd take it into his mouth, those eyes gazing at him and asking him to take all the responsibility for a while. He enjoyed watching him suck for a moment or two, undeniably stirred by it.

Sometimes he'd take Loki to his low couch or to the rug in front of the fire or even bend him over his table, but he was feeling decadent and wanted the softness of a real bed. As gently as possible, he hooked the tip of his finger behind Loki's lower teeth and led him through.

"How do you want it?" he asked softly.

"Hard."

His voice was slightly garbled around Thor's finger, chasing it slightly as he pulled away.

"Mm-hm. On your back?"

"Don't care."

"Alright. Lie down for me."

He'd grown used to the shallow breaths, the excitement that always seemed to overtake Loki's whole being. It would build and build, anticipation rising, but the longer Thor made him wait, the better the release would be.

He fetched the oil, placing the vial into Loki's hand and retreating across the room.

"Go on," he said.

"No..." Loki whined. "No, you do it."

"I want to watch."

"But yours are so much thicker than mine, so much better."

"No. I want to see you open yourself up with those beautiful, long fingers."

It was a very strange thing, and Thor wasn't totally sure that he fully understood it, but Loki found it very comforting and somewhat arousing to be told no. He liked having boundaries set and he liked to push against them knowing that he'd be safe.

Standing as stoicly as he could, Thor watched Loki put on a show for him. He planted his feet on the mattress and spread his legs wide, revealing everything, tipping some oil into his hand and swirling his fingers through it. Even the shine of it against such innocent skin was enough to make Thor's mouth water.

"One at a time," he said, swallowing hard.

Maybe deep down it thrilled him to see Loki obey, being gentle with himself, rubbing around the outside of his entrance a few times before pushing inside, slowly and carefully. It never failed to astonish him to see the flesh yield, to know how much could fit.

Loki sighed and moaned, artificial to a point, trying to goad him. A little battle of wills that he delighted in losing.

Thor's nails were digging into his palms, keeping himself still and steady, his eyes moving between where two of Loki's fingers were rhythmically sliding in and out of his hole and his cock that was standing so proudly from his body.

"E... Enough?" Loki panted.

"Stretch yourself a little more."

"No, I want it like this, nice and tight."

"We do things safely."

As if he wasn't always tight. Much like Thor's breeches at present, straining with arousal, so much so that he took pity on both of them and started getting undressed, pretending to be unaffected by the sounds behind him, Loki's little pants of excitement.

"I need you in me. I need you to fuck me."

"I will. Don't rush."

He let him keep going for minutes more, both of them desperate, gazing at each other like nothing else mattered, like they were separated by the universe and not just a few paces. And really, Thor knew he ought to hold out longer, but he was still working on that self-control.

Loki let out a gratified sigh as he approached the bed, eager, shuffling down towards him and arching up for kisses, squirming as Thor held his wrists gently.

"Thor... Mm, Thor, come on..."

"Be patient."

He knew to keep his hands on the pillow, Thor kissing softly down his body, reminding him that he was loved and cherished, taking his cock between his lips to suck very gently, just enough to have him writhing with want.

"Thor!"

A finger slipping into him made him keen, checking just how ready he was, feeling that hot flesh move and knowing how it would feel around his cock. Loki kept mumbling pleas under his breath, almost inaudible, rolling his hips slightly.

Maybe they'd waited long enough.

But there was always time for kisses. There was an honesty to them away from the games they played, away from the false faces they showed to the world. A togetherness, a unity.

Thor reached between them to line up and push inside, feeling Loki's body give, both of them breathing hard, those green eyes gazing up at him like it was the first time all over again.

"Mm... Mm, yes."

Gentle slides. Steady strokes. Loki sighed at each one, trying to angle himself just right, canting his hips up, almost yelping when he found it.

"Shh..."

"Maybe you should... Mm! Make me be quiet."

More kisses probably weren't what he had in mind, but Thor felt him laughing against his lips and then gasping as he began speeding up.

There were no words now. No barbs or demands or doubts. Just Thor and Loki, like they'd always been, sharing this time together. Sharing this strange pleasure. He didn't even have to ask for Thor to wrap a hand around his cock, stroking surely, drawing him closer and closer to the edge.

It was more than a little gratifying to feel Loki shudder beneath him, to feel his spend on his hand, grunting slightly as a few more thrusts were enough to finish Thor and leave them flopped in a tangle of limbs, trying to find an embrace but not really managing.

"Was that what you needed?" Thor murmured.

"Mm."

"Good."

He could stay for a while, just holding him, stroking his skin, just being present and not really thinking about anything for once.

"I think really I just need you," Loki said softly, like it was a secret admission.

Hmm.

"Yes," Thor said. "I think I need you too."

It was true after all. And no matter what wars or wives, or fathers or mothers or beasts, maybe that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they met a lovely lady who understood their relationship and everything was happy ever after.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I am writing something new, something silly and hopefully fun, should be ready very soon.


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